


What Happens in Gerudo Town Stays in Gerudo Town

by orphan_account



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Compliant, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gerudo Culture, Gerudo Outfit, Link is everyone's fucktoy, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn With Plot, Prostitution, Self Confidence Issues, Situational Humiliation, Sub Link (Legend of Zelda), This is actually a Zelink story, Whump, reverse harems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-07-07 14:46:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 37,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15910407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Link and Zelda arrive in Gerudo Town, they're barely on speaking terms. Seeking to fix their relationship, Urbosa inducts Link into her personal harem.Pre-calamity. Mostly canon compliant.





	1. Welcome to Gerudo Town

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is very heavily based on [this set of images](https://nsfwtentacleghost.tumblr.com/post/169330077128/sorry-ive-been-inactive-the-holidays-kicked-my) by [Ghost](https://nsfwtentacleghost.tumblr.com/)! Please check them out!

Link never even met a Gerudo until only a week before the ceremony. When King Rhoam announced he was bringing them into the champion alliance, members of the court had protested vehemently, calling them bandits and savages. None of it meant anything to Link, who at the time was still getting used to the unfamiliar world of castle life. He felt bizarrely at fault - his pulling of the Master Sword was part of what prompted the king to announce an alliance in the first place. That meant more pointed fingers, more judgement, and more gossip mongers to ignore, as if having to wait on an ungrateful princess wasn’t punishment enough.

Link’s first encounter with a Gerudo had been short and unmemorable. When Lady Urbosa and her delegation arrived in Hyrule Castle for the champion ceremony, Zelda had immediately broken from his side and run to her. They talked excitedly for a long time, with Link hovering nearby, unsure of whether or not he should have left. When Urbosa noticed Link, she gave him a cursory once-over and a nod. That was it. It was clear she taken her invitation as an excuse to come see Zelda, and wasn’t interested in some stupid prophecy. Link could hardly blame her. At least Zelda’s mood seemed to improve when she was around.

But as the signs of the Calamity became harder and harder to ignore, Zelda had insisted on visiting each of the Divine Beasts to personally oversee adjustments. Link, of course, was dragged along with no say in the matter. He really wouldn’t have minded the trips if Zelda didn’t hate him. Maybe “hate” was too strong a word, but she made her disdain for Link obvious every chance she got. It started with ignoring him, then, when she realized he wasn’t going away, progressed to insults. It took all the discipline Link had not to respond in kind. Because he wouldn’t argue back, the princess had searched for new ways to irritate him, culminating in her actually running away. When he had finally found her, she lost her temper and screamed in his face to stop following her.

When they visited Rito Village, she laughed along with every joke Revali made at Link’s expense. When they visited Goron City, she blatantly told Link to stay out of her way while she worked. Now, riding down the road to Gerudo Town, the two were on their worst terms yet. Zelda rarely spoke to Link unless it was to make some snide comment about his prowess, his blind obedience, his whatever...Link rarely spoke at all. He’d found that silence was better than getting in another argument.

“Link, I won’t be surprised if you don’t know this, but the Gerudo do not allow males into their home.”

She paused to give Link a chance to speak, which he didn’t take.

“You will stay at Kara Kara while I meet with Urbosa and visit the Divine Beast. Your presence in Gerudo Town will be neither needed nor wanted.”

“I go where you go.”

“Not in this case, no. It’s Gerudo law.”

“I’m your appointed knight, so Urbosa will make an exception.”

That was clearly the wrong thing to say. Zelda glared at him and then kicked up her horse’s speed. Link followed suit. He was still the better rider, and didn’t lose sight of her once. Neither of them said a word as they turned the corner of the canyon to see Gerudo Canyon Stable. Still trying to get ahead of Link, Zelda dismounted and was met by two fierce-looking Gerudo warriors, who bowed in greeting. One began leading Zelda’s horse to the stable, and the other started showing Zelda to the canyon entrance. Link hurriedly dismounted and led his own horse to a stall, brushing her mane in farewell before following. At the canyon entrance, one of the Gerudo stopped to help Zelda down onto the sand, allowing Link to catch up. He counted only three Sand Seals grazing ahead.

“I’m going with her.”

The soldier looked at him, amused, then turned to Zelda and said, “Your correspondence didn’t mention a voe.”

Zelda was staring at her feet. “He’ll be staying at Kara Kara.”

“The king has given me very specific orders.”

Zelda’s head suddenly snapped up and she glared at him, trying to be intimidating. Link almost broke out laughing at how non-threatening she looked.

“Can’t you tell when you’re not wanted?”

The other Gerudo returned from the stable, clearly unimpressed by the holdup. She pushed past Link and said, “If you want to follow, then rent a sand seal for yourself. But once we get to town, you can come no further.”

“Lady Urbosa will make an exception for me.”

Now both guards looked impatient. “No, she won’t” said one, before they kicked and set off towards the desert. A cloud of dust blew up in their wake and Link lifted up his collar to filter the air. It wasn’t enough to protect his eyes, which burned as he watched them ride into the distance.

Well, what now? With sand and wind stinging his eyes, Link seriously considered turning around, going back home and telling the king that his daughter was impossible. But his spiteful side told him to keep going, to make it to Gerudo Town, to _demand_ an audience with Lady Urbosa, and show Zelda his presence was both needed and wanted.

After paying a rental fee, Link hopped on his shield and traveled by seal across the desert, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake.

***

“Get out. You’ve been given enough warning.”

The guard’s tone was like a brick wall. It was a good match for the actual brick wall circling the town, which Link had tried climbing about five times.

“I need to speak to Lady Urbosa! I’m the Hylian champion!”

He hated having to pull rank, but he was desperate now. The sword had brought him nothing but trouble. People regarded him as some kind of living legend and gave him an uncomfortable amount of respect, all for just pulling the stupid thing out of the ground. Well, where was that respect now? The Gerudo didn’t care, apparently. His status as champion didn’t supplant their sacred law of “no boys allowed”, so they barred him from the entrance, then threw him off the wall every time he reached the top.

The guard was so unmoved by his plea that she barely even looked at him. Link sighed and dusted himself off, then started trudging back around to the tent city. There was a small community of sorts that lived on the shady side of a wall, and it was starting to look like his only option for the night. Going back to Kara Kara would be like accepting defeat, so he set up his tent and started searching his pack for something to cook.

This place only attracted two kinds of men: naive merchants and desperate singles. Link didn’t particularly want to associate with either, so he kept to himself while waiting for the cooking pot to free up. Unfortunately, a new face in such a small community was hard to miss. There was already a small number of people sitting around a fire, and one middle-aged man with a mustache approached to strike up a conversation.

“New here, huh? Stopped at the door, right? Y’know, they’re only hurting themselves by stopping us from coming in. The Gerudo don’t know what they’re missing! I’m Gorman, by the way!”

He stuck out a hand at Link, who was still holding his armful of food. Link stared at it unmoving for half a second before saying “Nice to meet you. I’m Link.” It didn’t hurt to be polite, even though he didn’t plan to stay here for long.

Gorman withdrew his hand. “Link, huh? Well, don’t feel _too_ bad about getting kicked out. It happens to the best of us. I’ve been kicked out more times than I can count! And it’s not so lonely either. Sometimes, Gerudo come out here to us!”

Now that got his attention. “Really? How often?”

“Hmm...maybe once a week? Yeah, groups of ‘em, coming out here, wanting old Gorman to give ‘em what only a man can-”

“No,” Link cut him off, starting to get creeped out. “I meant, any guards?”

“What? Oh yeah, someone comes on patrol every night, but I wouldn’t try, kid. They’re _way_ out of your league...I might have a chance, though...heh heh...”

Link tried not to let his disgust show on his face. The pot finally freed up, thankfully, so he turned away from Gorman and dumped his food in. He quickly went through the familiar motions of searing, salting and seasoning. The sun was already low in the sky, and he wanted to catch the patrol as soon as he could, not to mention get away from all these creeps.

Purposefully striding away from the camp, he rounded the corner again and leaned against the wall, staring at the main gate. The guards stared back, although the distance was too far to make out their facial expressions. They might have looked hungry, or that could have been his wishful thinking. Maybe he could bribe them with food to get inside? He was a pretty good cook. Even when on the road, he could whip up full meals out of only what could be foraged. Even Zelda had admitted she enjoyed his cooking. Zelda...

Link frowned a bit as he finished the last bites of his skewer. Now that he thought about it, that was the only compliment she had ever given him. Back on the road to Rito Village, their first excursion, back when she was still pretending not to hate him. Now, she didn’t even bother to pretend. Link shut his eyes and slumped his head backwards against the wall, and groaned impatiently.

Why was she so offended by everything he did? He was just doing his job. At the beginning, when they were told destiny had pushed them together, he had harbored hopes that they would get to know each other. Become friends, even. At least, a relationship more than the bare minimum ordained by destiny!

Zelda was smart, witty and had an independent streak. She could act spoiled at times, but she wasn’t a snob - not like some of the court nobles Link had the misfortune of rubbing shoulders with. No, at the end of the day, she was just an insecure teenage girl who was given the responsibility of saving the world from an ancient, unkillable, unstoppable evil...

He could stand to be a bit more supportive, then.

When he opened his eyes, the sun had set, and there was still no Gerudo patrol in front of him. He slid down against the wall, folding his legs to sit. He didn’t _hate_ Zelda, and she just...disliked him. A day of separation, and she would probably realize he wasn’t the annoying lackey she made him out to be.

Right?

Alone with his thoughts, Link kept staring at the gate. The guards changed shifts, but still no patrol. He was still holding the stick from his skewer, so he drove it point-first into the sand and stirred it around absently. Just as he was about to give up and leave, a soldier emerged from the gate, and started walking in the direction of the tent city.

Finally! Link made no move to approach. He had waited for about two hours, so he could endure another two minutes for her to come to him. He stood up and waved at the soldier as she neared the corner, and she gave him a nod, not slowing down.

“Sav’saaba.”

“Sav’saaba,” Link responded, hoping he was pronouncing it right. “Can you pass a message to Lady Urbosa for me?”

The soldier kept on marching. With their difference in height, Link practically had to jog to keep up.

“Are you Link?”

“Yeah.”

“Then sorry, no.”

“What?”

“Yeah, it’s weird. The chief ordered us specifically not to help a voe named Link. What did you do to piss her off?”

Link couldn’t even think of anything to say. What the hell had Zelda told her? Whatever it was, this must have been the intended effect. If he wouldn’t leave, she was going to make his stay as inconvenient as possible. He tagged behind the soldier in silence, trying to comprehend what to say next. She must have taken pity on him, because she said, “You can tell her yourself when she leaves town tomorrow. Sav’orq.”

Link didn’t even think to return the farewell as the soldier marched ahead. He failed to realize he was already in front of his tent until he almost tripped over the corner. His thoughts were still racing, but he somehow found the door flap, shook off his boots and crawled inside without thinking about any of it.

This was going to be a long night.

***

Link spent the next morning cursing himself over breakfast. The Gerudo patrol had told him Urbosa was coming out, but he hadn’t even thought to ask when! He could probably guess where and why - Zelda was here to inspect Vah Naboris, and she wasn’t the type of person to waste time sightseeing. She was a morning person too, so for all Link knew, they could have set out already. His distress went unnoticed by the merchant Gorman, who once again approached him with unsolicited conversation.

“So, you didn’t score with that guard last night, huh? Well, I warned you, those army girls are all stuck-up prudes...heh heh...”

Link ignored him and focused on the bustle around him. It was his first morning here, so he was a bit surprised to see how many merchants had set up shop. Some Gerudo had actually ventured past their walls to see what was for sale, so there were a fair number of people milling about. Gorman followed his gaze across the makeshift market, and pointed broadly at his own stall.

“You got rupees to spend? Well, I have the finest products out of anyone here!” He gestured a little too close to Link’s bowl. “You’re a big eater, Link. Why not buy some fresh fruit and milk?”

Link pointed to a Gerudo wrangling Sand Seals. “What’s that?”

“Seal rentals. Why? Are you thinking of leaving already?”

Without another word, Link strode back to his tent, crouching to drop off the empty bowl and grab his Knight’s Shield. He glanced around as he retied the tie on his tent flap. Gorman had already moved on to pitching a sale to some other schmuck. With his shield strapped to his back, Link made his way to the woman. She was short for a Gerudo, but still towered over him. Link was still getting used to looking up every time he encountered one of the gigantic women.

“Sav’otta, Hylian. You looking to rent a seal?”

“I will later. Can I pay in advance?”

She shrugged. “I don’t see why not. Where you going?”

“To the Divine Beast.” Link pointed in the general direction of the desert, unsure of where it actually was.

“Hmm? The chief banned everyone from going near that thing, except for her.” The Gerudo’s face suddenly lit up like she had just remembered something. “Oh, you must be with that other one, the other Hylian! The princess, right?”

“Yeah, yeah!” said Link, seizing the opportunity. “I’m going to meet them there. But, umm, I forgot what time we were supposed to go. Do you know when they’re leaving?”

The woman grinned. “You’re late, little voe. The chief left half an hour ago!” Her laughter rang out as Link swore, thrust a purple rupee at her, threw his shield down onto the sand and took off.

***

Not even twenty minutes later, Link’s legs were ready to give out. He could ride a horse all day no problem, but travel by Sand Seal was entirely different. He wasn’t even sure if he was going in the right direction. He had been traveling southeast, but what if Vah Naboris was the other way? Link whipped his head up, trying to simultaneously dodge sand and look around. Empty wasteland surrounded him on all sides. If he really was going the wrong way, then he was about to pass the point of no return, the point at which his shield wouldn’t be able to survive the distance back. If he got lost, then Zelda would never let him hear the end of it! Champions didn’t get stranded in the desert, and yet there he was, with no chilling elixirs and no backup shield.

Rather than try to make a wide turn, he slowed his seal to a stop and collapsed onto the sand, trying to catch his breath. His seal waddled up to him and barked in his face. Evidently, it could tell he was lost, and wanted to return to town as much as he did. Link stretched out his legs while clenching and unclenching his hand a few times. It had gone stiff from grasping the rope for so long. Once his circulation returned, he grabbed his shield for inspection and groaned out loud when he saw the red wingcrest pattern had been sanded off. Spinning the shield to view it from the side revealed how much had been worn away. It would only last the trip back, if that.

Link wiped the sweat off his forehead and suddenly realized how hot it was. The wind had cooled him a bit when he was moving, but now that he wasn’t, the desert sun beat down on him in the worst way. Deciding that it was time to go back, Link placed his shield softly on the ground when he heard a loud crash.

Thunder boomed through the air, cracking in a way that seemed unnaturally loud. Link looked in the general direction it came from. Somehow, a dark storm was hanging in the otherwise cloudless blue sky. Had it been there before? Link honestly didn’t know, but if it was, he chastised himself for failing to notice something so out-of-place. That had to be where the Divine Beast was, a sign of its ability to create lightning. Setting off in that direction, Link counted at least ten more thunderbolt strikes until he was close enough to actually see the lightning flash.

Vah Naboris looked like a horse, but...not. It was based on some animal that had apparently gone extinct sometime in the last 10,000 years. Link gave it plenty of space as it made long, mechanical strides over the desert sand, and the nodes on its back crackled menacingly. It moved slow enough for Link to cut off its path and get in front of it, then turn around to look backward. To his relief, the thing was slowing down. Urbosa must have seen him, and was allowing him to board. After coming to a stop, the legs shook as they bent to lower the main body down to the ground. The immense mechanical creaking was enough to send his Sand Seal into a panic, so Link untied the rope from around his waist and watched his seal scurry away, trusting that it could get back to town by itself. Strapping the remains of his shield to his back, Link climbed up into the belly of the beast.

Zelda was nowhere to be seen. Link jogged up a ramp and spotted the familiar bulbous shape of the main terminal, which surprised him a little. In the two Divine Beasts he’d visited so far, the main terminal was located outside, on the back, but this one was almost exactly in the center. Urbosa was standing at the controls, already starting back on the walk to Gerudo Town. She turned around to stare Link down as he approached. The expression on her face was unreadable, but it was probably irritation. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Looking for Zelda. It’s my job to stay by her side, so where is she?”

“Back in town.”

Link’s mouth fell open and he gaped at Urbosa like an idiot. She wasn’t even here?

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, she’s safe. The entire Royal Guard is on her. It’s better security then you could possibly provide.”

Link couldn’t exactly dispute that. “My protection is more symbolic. We’re champions, we need to be together-”

“Then why does she hate you?” Urbosa challenged. “Why is she running away? Why do you think she wants to stay in Gerudo, instead of with you?”

Link couldn’t answer, so Urbosa continued. “You know, she’s working so hard, but that idiot the king thinks it’s not enough. It’s never enough for him. Zelda has been pushed so much that she’s all but forgotten anything but prayer. And you, you _hero_ , you’re a living reminder of her own failures. It wouldn’t kill you to give her some time off.”

Link thought of the Yiga clan, rumored to be active in this province. “It might.”

Urbosa sighed. “I’m sure you mean well, but Zelda is very well-protected. She’s keeping herself busy by catching up on her studies. Did you know that the King forbade her from diplomacy lessons?” She snorted in contempt. “He said that even something so vital as diplomacy should come second to her devotionals. What a stupid idea...what if the Calamity never comes? Well, I, for one, refuse to let the future Queen of Hyrule miss out on her education. She’s squandering her youth on prayer methods that any fool could see aren’t working.”

“I feel bad for her too,” Link confessed, “but I don’t know how to tell her without sounding like an arrogant asshole. She already hates me.”

“Well, have you tried _talking_ to her?” Urbosa asked sharply.

No, this was what he was guilty of. When Zelda needed support, he had stopped responding. He knew that she viewed him as undeserving, and Link was honestly inclined to agree. He had done practically nothing to earn his praise. From Zelda’s point of view, he had simply strolled up, yanked the sword out of the ground, and was immediately extolled as a hero, compared to her ten years of devotion with nothing to show for it. Of course she was jealous. Who wouldn’t be? And instead of realizing that, and supporting her, he had gotten sick of her attitude and shut her out when she needed help the most. They resembled two moody children instead of the goddess and hero they were supposed to be.

Link gulped. It was uncanny how Urbosa had immediately identified the root of the problem.

“Think carefully about what to say, boy, because you won’t see her for a month at least.”

“What? We’re only supposed to be here for a week!” Link said in genuine surprise.

“The princess has decided to extend her visit. What can I say? Maybe she likes being treated as a _person_ , rather than a failure. She’s already sent word to Zora’s Domain that your next little trip will be rescheduled.”

Link’s mind was racing. A month was way, _way_ too long. “You’re bringing this beast to town, right? Is Zelda coming aboard?”

“She will in the evening, and you can too, if you want. But...” Urbosa raised a finger. “You really think she’ll be happy to see you?”

“...I just need to tell her how I feel.”

Urbosa looked at him the same way a bartender looked at an alcoholic. Slight pity, before deciding to take his money anyway. She took her hands off the terminal and motioned to Link to follow her up a ramp to a circular doorway. As they walked away from the controls, Link noted with relief that Vah Naboris didn’t stop striding. That was good - Urbosa had already mastered the autonomous functions. Revali had too, but they had given Daruk some trouble, so at least that was one less thing to worry about.

Once they reached the balcony, Link was met with a spectacular view of Gerudo Town and Kara Kara Oasis. Urbosa gazed over the area with pride before addressing Link. “Fine. I’m leaving Naboris here. Come today after sunset. But don’t blame me if things go wrong, because if they do, you have an entire month to be tormented by regret.”

“What am I supposed to do until nightfall?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure you can find _something_ to do...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The premise of this fic involves the Gerudo owning male love slaves. I'm honestly surprised there isn't more material on this, considering it was implied way back in OoT.  
> 2\. I find it funny how Link will always use both hands to hold stuff (even if he's just holding like, a single apple) he can't shake hands while he's holding food  
> 3\. Sand Seal rentals are 20 rupees, Link paid 50 because he's in a hurry.  
> 4\. Link has never seen a camel before.  
> 5\. Zelda is kind of a bitch in this one...she'll get better, though.  
> 6\. Take a shot every time I end a section with Link regretting his actions.
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	2. A Degree of Separation

Link wasn’t great at wasting time. Knight training does that to a person, he reflected. Back at the castle, he would have gone down to practice archery or swordplay, but there was no appropriate place for that here. When he tried to go through his sword drills, the guards had yelled at him for swinging a weapon in a public place and forced him to move to the other side of the town, the exposed, sunny side. He had visited every shop, bought a new shield and reorganized his inventory. He had even tried to climb into the city again, just to check if the guards were paying attention. They were. By midafternoon, he had taken to visiting every shop a second time out of sheer boredom.

One positive thing about being the princess’s appointed knight was that he literally had more rupees than he could spend. The amount he had hidden away in his pack was probably more than all of the merchants’ wealth combined. Link could have bought out the whole market, but he didn’t, partially because he didn’t want to destabilize the economy, and partially out of principle, because he refused to give any business to guys like Gorman.

“You again, huh? Well, let me tell you, Link, window shoppers aren’t appreciated around here! Don’t think we didn’t notice you wandering around all suspicious-like, not buying anything...”

Link shrugged. He didn’t really care what they thought of him. “I’m just killing time.”

“Hmm?” An opportunistic look came over Gorman’s face. “Hey, you bored, then? You looking for work? Young guy like you, you need something to do all day, right?” He pointed at an older Gerudo across the market. “Talk to Telma, then, and tell her that Gorman sent you.”

Against his better judgement, Link walked up to the woman. He was curious, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do. “Are you Telma?”

“Sure am! What do you need?”

He already felt like he was making a huge mistake. “Gorman sent me.”

Telma gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my, then...what did I do to deserve a pretty young thing like you?” She reached out and grabbed Link’s chin, tilting it around to inspect his jawline while he stood there confused. What the hell was this?

“Alright, let’s go. What’s your name, honey?” Without waiting for an answer, she spun him around, placed a hand on his shoulder and started guiding him through the bustle of the tent city.

“I’m Link.”

“Link...oohh, I think you’ll be pretty popular, strong young voe like you...”

“Where are we going?”

“Gorman didn’t tell you? Oh, you’ll see when we get there.”

They walked for a few minutes, with Telma pushing Link in the right direction. She avoided all of Link’s questions by answering in vague statements, mostly variations of “oh, you know” even though he clearly didn’t know. Her hand didn’t leave Link’s shoulder for the entire time they were walking. Link could have ducked away and ran at any time, but a morbid sense of curiosity was still eating at him, so he kept going.

Finally, they arrived at a dark red tent, one of the largest and most permanent ones in the whole tent city. Telma pushed Link through the door and closed the flap behind them.

“Alright, you can start working this evening. We provide food and beds, but you’ll have to use your own clothes.” Telma paused for a second. “Hey, Link, do you like boys or girls?”

“Both?” Link answered, confused, unsure of what that had to do with anything. Telma laughed and clapped her hands.

“Both! Oh, that’s great, honey! It’s been a while since something as sweet as you showed up!”

Link’s eyes finally adjusted to the darkness inside the tent enough to look around. The interior consisted of curtains hanging everywhere, creating a number of rooms. He was standing in a sort of lobby, with a small counter on which Telma was placing her things. Behind the counter was a sign. On the sign there was a list of prices. And the prices were for...

...male prostitutes?

Link frantically started for the door. Telma turned her head and asked, “Where you going?”

“Sorry, uh, I-I’m in the wrong - uh - I need to - I’m not - uh - _I need to go_!”

Link tore out of the tent, red in the face and sweating hard. Forget about getting lost in the desert, if Zelda heard about _this_ , he might die of embarrassment!

He walked as fast as he dared back to his own tent, hoping no one saw him. He stayed inside for a few hours, mortified, eating a dinner of uncooked food, wishing that the sunset could come faster. He had meant to think about what he was going to say to Zelda, but every time he tried, he found that he couldn’t focus. His thoughts were still running in his head, and he cursed himself for being stupid enough to trust the sleazy salesman who haunted this place. He anxiously sat there, fidgeting with the sword, until he was sure it was getting dark outside.

Peeking his head out the tent flap, he ran into the desert without looking back, hoping to the goddesses that this trip was going to be worth the trouble.

***

“She really is quite...special.”

Link said nothing as Urbosa combed a stray lock from Zelda’s face. He hadn’t known how Zelda would react upon seeing him, but it somehow never crossed his mind she would be asleep, even though it was pretty late.

“You be sure to protect her with your life.” Urbosa paused to look directly at Link. “It’s quite the honor.”

Urbosa turned back to Zelda and continued to stroke her hair. Link bristled. He could protect her much better if he was allowed into the city, but that specific argument could wait for now.

“The night brings a chill...it’s probably time we take her in. Hmm...or...” A mischievous smile came over Urbosa’s face before she positioned her fingers to snap. Link braced himself for what he knew what was coming.

A massive bolt of lightning crashed down, _loud_. It hit the desert hard and close enough that Link could feel the air quaking, although the Divine Beast stayed steady under his feet. Zelda startled awake instantly and pawed at the air, taking a second to remember where she had fallen asleep.

“Urbosa! What was that?! Did you feel that?!” She looked behind her and saw Link, and her eyes went even wider from surprise. “Wait, what - how did you - what are you doing here?!”

Urbosa threw her head back and started laughing. Zelda turned back to her, concerned that she was missing something important. “Wh-what’s so funny?” Link smiled a bit. Urbosa had just done him a huge favor - Zelda would be more likely to actually listen to him after being woken like this. She pushed herself off the floor and rubbed her eyes, disoriented. “How did you even get up here?”

“He’s here because I invited him.” Urbosa answered for him. “Zelda, you need to know that Link is not your enemy. He wanted to say something to you before you separated.” She looked at Link expectantly. Zelda folded her arms and stared him down.

It was now or never.

“Zelda,” Link began, “I’m sorry I haven’t been talking to you. I know that you can’t unlock the sealing power, and everyone is telling you to do something you can’t, but all of us here know how hard you’ve been working. Urbosa told me you once even passed out in freezing water.” He stopped to clear his throat for the next part. “I should have seen your hard work, and supported you, but instead I started ignoring you like everyone else. I’m sorry for that. I’ve failed in my job as your appointed knight. When we depart from Gerudo, I want to rectify that. I vow to support you in every way that I can. I hope that in time, you’ll consider me a-” Link’s voice caught on the last word “-a friend.”

Zelda was still staring. “Are you done?”

“I - yeah.”

“...You don’t know _anything_ about me!” Zelda balled her hands into fists as her face scrunched up like she was about to cry, and Link’s stomach twisted. Was his speech really that bad? Zelda pushed past him and ran away, sprinting as fast as she could back to the insides of the beast. Link watched, stunned, as she ran down the balcony and disappeared through a door. He was more dumbstruck than anything.

“Well, that went well,” Said Urbosa, dryly, and Link almost felt like laughing because no, no it fucking didn’t. He looked around, unsure of what to do next, and she asked, “Why did you have to bring up her sealing power?”

“It’s why we’re together in the first place!”

She glared at him. “Today was probably the first day in months Zelda didn’t have to think about that. She was having a good time on the survey and looking at Naboris. When you showed up, it was a reminder that she couldn’t get away from her duties. That was just about the worst topic you could have picked.”

Link mentally kicked himself. How could he have been so stupid?

“No, I - I can fix this,” Link rambled, “I, I just - I’m not good with words, okay? I just have to show her I’m devoted to protecting her.”

“Sorry, Link, but that was your last chance. Maybe she’ll forgive you in a month...” Urbosa frowned slightly. “I doubt it, though.”

“So let me into town.” Link said. He’d wanted to have this argument later, but he was all out of ideas. Now seemed like as good of a time as any. “I can protect her from there, and she’ll see I’m trying to work with her.”

“Not happening.”

“Please, Urbosa, you know how important this is!”

“Yes, I do,” She snapped, “But there can be no exceptions, not even for the Chosen Hero.”

“But there was, once.”

“What are you talking about?”

Link drew a deep breath before continuing. “One of my predecessors, the Hero of Time, was an honorary Gerudo. He gained the favor of Lady Nabooru and was given access to their fortress and training grounds. I’m requesting the same thing.”

Urbosa looked at him like he was the biggest idiot alive. Silence dragged on for a few seconds, and then a few seconds more. Link started to sweat despite the cool night air. Now that he thought about it, wasn’t that specific legend hated by Gerudo? That was the one which claimed the Calamity took the form of a Gerudo King. It might not have been true, but Hylians used it anyway to justify their prejudice against the Gerudo. It was still a sore talking point. By bringing it up, Link might have just killed any chances he had. Oh, no.

Urbosa silently contemplated what he had said. She had already been frustrated with him, but now that he brought up that old, racist legend, there was no telling how she would react. Link cringed in anticipation, expecting her to start screaming at him, but instead, she did something much, much worse.

She threw her head back and started laughing out loud. It was so unsettling that Link dropped his guard, totally confused. He jumped a bit when Urbosa abruptly stopped and pointed a finger directly at his chest.

“So, you studied your history, huh? Well, there may be a way for you into Gerudo Town after all. When the Hero of Time infiltrated the fortress, there were actually _four_ other voe in there with him! Do you know what they were doing?” She challenged.

“No.” Link admitted.

“No? Then I’ll tell you. They were part of Lady Nabooru’s harem!” Urbosa emphasized the last word, and Link shuddered in spite of his conviction. He could see where this was going.

“And since you’re _so damn desperate_ to be close to Zelda, I’ll tell you what. I’ll officially instate you into my own personal harem. You’ll live in the palace, but you can’t leave your room, and maybe, _just maybe_ , Zelda will visit you, and then the two of you can hash it out. How does that sound?”

“I’ll do it.”

Urbosa flicked her arms out, and the Divine Beast responded to her movements by starting to ambulate back to Gerudo Town. As she piloted, she glanced at Link out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t make me regret this, Link, or I’ll make _you_ regret it.”

Too late. As the beast stomped through the sand, Link was already feeling the regret settling in.

***

The Gerudo really did take their security seriously, Link thought. He couldn’t see, hear, or even smell anything with the sack over his head. His legs were in shackles and his arms were tied behind his back. If he broke away, he wouldn’t get very far. The soldier escorting him was dragging him roughly by the arm, instead of guiding him by the shoulder like he had been earlier. Every time she yanked him forward, Link felt ropes digging into both wrists. They walked for some time. Link tracked their turns at first, trying to draw a map in his head, but being blinded was more disorienting then it seemed, and he got the impression the Gerudo was deliberately going in circles to throw off such a tactic. Before long, they only thing he could focus on was trying to breathe with this stupid bag on his head.

After what felt like forever, the soldier finally held him still. Link thought he heard footsteps approaching, which stopped in front of him. It was the middle of the night by now, so no townspeople would be out and about. Link strained his ears, trying to hear through the cloth.

_knock knock knock_

“Password?”

“GSC♢.” Came Urbosa’s sultry voice.

Link heard what sounded like a door opening, and braced himself as he was marched down a flight of stairs. More hands grabbed at him, turning him around and pushing him down to kneel. With his arms already bound in such an uncomfortable position, Link’s shoulders were hurting. Finally, he felt sharp fingernails loosen the drawstring around his neck, and the bag was pulled off his head in one smooth motion.

“Link, honey, is that you!?”

Link squinted at the sudden brightness of lanterns. He saw that he was in a tiny clubroom that looked more like a storeroom. Mannequins and crates were shoved against the walls. Urbosa was standing in front of him. Telma was there too, leaning on a table. A Gerudo soldier was keeping watch by the door, and Link could tell that another one was standing behind him.

Urbosa was looking back and forth between Link and Telma, amused. “Am I missing something here? Do you two know each other?”

“Oh, Link here came to me today, but he ran away before I could sink my teeth into him.” Telma leaned uncomfortably close to Link, then stood up and gave Urbosa an approving punch on the arm. “You _have_ to tell me how you caught this one!”

“Later,” Urbosa agreed, trying to keep a smile off her face. “Link, when I told you to find something to do today, that’s not what I meant...”

She looked at him again and her expression turned serious. “But enough talk. Sir Link, Champion of Hyrule, do you willingly give up your freedom to me, Chieftainess Veran Urbosa, Champion of the Gerudo?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“To Zelda!” He quickly clarified, “I’m here to protect Zelda, I’ll swear in her name, but not in yours.”

“...Fine. If it makes you feel any better. Sir Link, Champion of Hyrule, do you willingly give up your freedom to Zelda Hyrule, Princess of the Realm, Leader of the Champions and Descendant of the Goddess?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good!” Urbosa said. “Of course, as her legal diplomatic guardian, I have jurisdiction over her property for the duration of her stay. That includes you, now.” She was about to say something else, but a knock on the door caught everyone’s attention. The guard by the door leaned close and asked, “What’s the password?”

“GSC♢.” Two more soldiers were allowed in. Link recognized one of them as the same patrolwoman whom he had talked to last night. They were laden with his bags, including his tent, which he noticed was folded somewhat carelessly.

“Ah, right on time.” Urbosa remarked. She spoke up to address her soldiers. “Leave it here and you’re dismissed. Sav’orr.”

“Sav’orr, chief.”

The door shut behind them, leaving only Urbosa, Telma and Link, whose knees were starting to hurt from the stone floor. Urbosa moved behind Link to undo his restraints, while Telma grabbed a large bag and placed it on the table to start pulling clothes out. “Let’s see what we have here...”

“Hey, those are mine!” Link protested.

“Not anymore, Link.” Urbosa corrected him. “It belongs to the state. Just like you.” She helped him to a standing position as the ropes around his wrists finally slackened and his arms swayed free. “Get naked.”

“What?

“You heard me. This is what you signed up for, Link. Do you want to give up already?”

There was no arguing with that. Link took off his scabbard, then lifted his tunic, wincing as he stretched out his sore arms. His undershirt was damp with sweat despite the chill of the night. As he took it off too, Telma continued to pull clothes out of his pack. “How did you manage to fit so much stuff in here?”

“Koroks.”

“Huh?”

“It’s enchanted to hold more.”

“Hmm...” Telma gasped as she lifted something. “Now what in the sands is _this_!?”

“What?” Link couldn’t see, so Telma spun around to show him. She was holding up one of his suits of armor, the tight one covered in belts. “I’ve never seen anything like this! What is this made out of!?”

“It’s called rubber.” Link said, recalling how the princess explained it to him. “It’s ancient Sheikah technology, they can’t make it anymore.” He kicked off his boots as he talked, leaving him wearing only his trousers.

“Rub...ber?” Telma gave the armor another look like it would jump up and attack her. Link didn’t understand what the big deal was. Maybe the fish-shaped helmet was a little ridiculous, but he couldn’t do anything about that.

He took a breath, steeling himself, and slid his trousers and shorts down, then looked at Urbosa confidently, showing her that he was willing to play her game.

“Good.” She said approvingly. She examined his nude body, but didn’t leer. “Now, I’ll show you to your quarters.”

“Hang on, chief!” Telma suddenly interrupted. “I wanna see him wear this.”

Urbosa shrugged before deciding they had time to indulge her. She crossed the room and grabbed the rubber armor, leaving the helmet, and tossed it at Link. “Alright, then. Put it on.”

Link struggled as he pulled on the rubber pants. They were just as uncomfortable as every other time he had worn them, tight, unbreathable and sticky against his skin. The top was the same, but at least it had belts that could be loosened, allowing him some room to breathe. Once he was dressed, Urbosa grabbed him by the shoulders and tilted him around, inspecting how the clothes conformed to his body.

When he had put on rubber armor in the past, he was always wearing underclothes to prevent the worst of the chafing. But now he wasn’t wearing shorts, so his cock made an obvious outline against his stomach. Link had tucked it upward instead of against one of his thighs, and Urbosa noticed.

Smirking, she worked her thumbs to his hips and found the waistband on both sides, then yanked his pants upward as high as they would go. Link gasped as the rigid material pulled up his legs, lifting him onto his toes. Urbosa moved her hands to the belts on his shoulders, forcing Link to compress his body, before turning her attention to the belts going across his stomach and tightening those as well. The lowest one went over the head of his cock, pinning it against his stomach. Telma whooped and laughed, enjoying the view. Urbosa stepped back to admire her work. “How’s that? Try moving around a bit.”

Link tried to take a step and instantly figured out what she’d done. His cock was squeezed between his stomach and the tight suit. Every time he made the slightest movement, it was rubbed from all sides. Despite his discomfort, Link couldn’t help but move his body around experimentally, trying to find the best way to stimulate himself.

Urbosa watched him squirm as Telma began instructing him, “Okay, honey, now reach up as high as you can, straighten your back...now try touching your toes...okay, now try kneeling and leaning back.”

As Link performed each stretch, he could feel his blood flowing. He was only half erect, but the harder he got, the harder his cock fought against the material. The belt around him had already been tight, and constricted him almost painfully as he reached his full size. As he knelt down to do the last stretch, he couldn’t help but whimper as his member rubbed against his belly. Placing his hands on his ankles, he tilted his head up and popped his chest, then leaned backward, pulling the rubber armor closer against his body. His jaw dropped and he leaned even further back, trying to tease his cock with the friction. He held that pose for a while, working the tension out of his shoulders, then straightened up and looked at the women to see how he’d done.

Telma was grinning from ear to ear. “That’s rubber, huh? Leave that suit here, I’ll figure it out.” She made a shooing motion with her hand. “It’s pretty late now, you should probably get going.”

“Right.” Urbosa agreed. “C’mon, Link.” She waited patiently for Link to loosen all the belts and strip the armor, leaving it in a neatly folded pile, before she handed him a fresh bundle of cloth. “Dress yourself with these tomorrow.” He nodded, feeling grateful for the night air on his sweaty skin. As Urbosa unlocked a side door, Link grabbed the Master Sword and made to follow.

“Oh, no you don’t. Leave that there.”

Link hesitated, so Urbosa answered his unspoken question. “Yes, Link. All your things means _all_ your things. Don’t worry, it’s not going anywhere.”

Link carefully placed the sword back on the table and followed her. He was naked and barefoot, but doubted that anyone would be around to see him in the middle of the night. Except Urbosa herself, who had already seen everything. She expertly led him through unlit, twisting hallways until they arrived at an entirely unremarkable door. Urbosa held it open for Link and gestured inside.

“Go to sleep, Link. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Link stepped inside, taking in the entire room at once. It was fairly small, with a bed, a desk and a chair. No windows. Chamber pot in the corner. A single lantern on the desk and nothing else. As soon as the door shut behind him, Link silently whipped around and pressed his ear to the crack, trying to hear what was happening in the hallway. He couldn’t hear any footsteps, so Urbosa was still standing there. She was probably doing the exact same thing he was, pressing her ear to the door, trying to eavesdrop on him. Smart.

She had told him to go to sleep, and honestly, that was a good idea. He had been up since sunrise and there was no point in staying awake, so he placed the bundle on the table and yawned extra loudly, hoping Urbosa would take the hint.

As he climbed into the soft bed, Link gratefully noted that he was too tired to think clearly. That was good, he thought, because if he could, he would have realized how in over his head he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Link is bisexual.  
> 2\. Memory 6 takes place during this chapter.  
> 3\. This is where that [first pic](https://78.media.tumblr.com/1c10292d5730583a98e6969baf911bb1/tumblr_p22bqip8Yn1roncc3o2_640.jpg) of Link in his sexy rubber suit comes in!  
> 4\. I have no idea how "GSC♢" is articulated, your guess is a good as mine.  
>   
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	3. Property

Link woke up with no idea what time it was, cursing his room for its lack of windows.

He felt very well-rested, which meant he had slept for at least eight hours, so it was roughly before noon. Link fumbled through the dark to light the lantern on his desk. In the soft light, he unfurled the cloth bundle Urbosa had given him last night. The cloth itself was actually a loose-fitting pair of maroon trousers, which was wrapped around a number of metal trinkets that might have been hairbands, plus a pair of sandals. Link pulled on the trousers and decided to figure out the hair stuff later. The only thing provided to wear on his top looked like just a single green sleeve, which barely covered anything past his shoulder, but was better than nothing. Link extinguished his lantern, slipped on the sandals and pushed at the door.

It opened easily, which surprised him. For some reason, he had assumed he was locked in. Upon closer inspection, the door didn’t even have a lock installed. Well, he was still a male in the middle of Gerudo Town. Of course they would give the harem free rein, because it wasn’t like they could go anywhere! Link peeked his head out the door before stepping out. At the end of the hall, he could see a larger room with a long dining table, where Urbosa was already eating breakfast. She wasn’t wearing her armlets or jewelry. Link slowly drifted to the table and sat across from her.

“Sav’otta.” She said, pushing a plate of scrambled eggs at him. She was lazily munching on an apple herself. Now that Link was close, he could see she wasn’t wearing her usual blue lipstick either, and her damp hair was tied up. She must have washed before coming here. Where was the bathing area around here, anyway? Link was about to ask, when, as if reading his mind, Urbosa said, “Don’t talk. Don’t ask any questions. Just eat and listen.”

There was an edge to her voice, so Link nodded deferentially and took a bite. Whoever scrambled these eggs used too much salt.

“First, you need to understand that Gerudo law is divided into two parts.” She began. “There’s common law, which applies to the whole province. Then, there’s traditional law, which only applies to permanent settlements. That’s why voe are allowed to camp right there on the other side of the wall.”

Link nodded again. That made sense.

“You were bound under traditional law. That means that your rights are restored the moment you leave the city. Do you understand what I’m saying, Link?” She leaned across the table and spoke in a low, measured voice. “If you want to leave, at any time...you can. Just ask, and someone will gladly escort you out.”

So that’s what this was about, then, she was still trying to get him to go away. If Urbosa noticed his look of disbelief, she didn’t comment on it as she continued. “Your role in the harem is very simple. Keep yourself clean, ready and healthy at all hours, day and night. Do not touch yourself. Do _not_ leave this building. Got it?”

“Yeah. Where’s Zelda?”

Urbosa stopped to think for a second. “That is none of your concern. Any other stupid questions?”

“Where did you get bird eggs in the middle of the desert?”

“From your pack.” she answered, and Link was stunned for a brief second. They confiscated his food, too? That just seemed petty.

Urbosa’s usual smug smirk returned to her face as she finished her apple, which was probably his apple, actually. She stood up, then began walking away through the halls that she seemed to know so well. Link tagged behind her, leaving his empty plate behind, still full of questions.

“If you’re looking for the baths, they’re at the end of this hall.” She pointed in the right direction, then narrowed her eyes at Link meaningfully. “Clean yourself thoroughly. I’ll be back later.”

Link kept following her, thinking that he could at least figure out where the exit was. It was easier to remember of the layout of the place now that all the hallways were lit up. When Urbosa finally left, Link looked through the doorway after her and recognized the clubroom he was in last night. Most of his stuff was still there, having been sorted and laid out on tables overnight. Urbosa shut the door in his face, and he heard the unmistakable sound of a key turning in a lock.

Link pressed his ear to the door, but couldn’t hear anything. This door was sturdier than the one to his room, so it must have been a main entrance, being the only one with a lock. He had had the impulsive urge to try kicking the door down in broad daylight, but instead decided to actually listen to Urbosa’s advice and go take a bath. After two days in the desert, he had sand in places where it didn’t belong, so he could certainly use one. Link retraced his steps through the halls until he arrived at the room that Urbosa had pointed out. Pushing open the door, he halted when he saw the two other men already in the bath pit.

Urbosa clearly had a type. Both of them were _hunks_ , muscular and standing well over six feet tall. Link’s fellow knights sometimes teased him for his short stature, which didn’t bother him, but he felt positively dwarfed as he started undressing and stepped down into the water. The two men were openly staring, no doubt wondering what such Urbosa would want with such a small fry like him. There were all kinds of soap and bottles of oil scattered around the bath, so Link chose a bottle at random and poured a copious amount into his hand. He tried to ignore the stares as he rubbed it into his hair, feeling crusted sand scrubbing away from his scalp. He closed his eyes and dunked his head under, feeling the soap diffuse into the water.

When he surfaced and flipped his wet hair out of his face, something high up on the wall caught his eye. An open window! No wonder it was so bright in here. The midday sun was shining high in the sky, confirming that it was around noon. Link’s eyes instinctively went to trace a path up the wall, but he forced himself not to. There would be plenty of time for that later. Instead, he focused on methodically scrubbing down his body, using way too much soap in the process. If he was wasting any, he didn’t care. Urbosa had offered him this luxury, so would she blame him for taking it? He was used to communal baths with other soldiers, using plain soap and cold, dirty water. The water here was just as cold, but the desert heat made it enjoyable and refreshing, rather than unpleasant. The soap smelled heavenly, and Link inhaled deeply as he massaged it into his skin. When he was done cleaning, Link allowed himself a rare moment of relaxation, reclining against the wall of the pit and enjoying the smell wafting out of his hair. He was just about to get out and dry himself when he remembered what Urbosa had said.

 _Clean yourself thoroughly_. Link had washed his whole body, but hadn’t given any particularly special attention to his privates. Despite the cool water, he felt himself blush as he searched the bottles of oil for something that was slippery enough. Once he found a suitable bottle, he nervously glanced over his shoulder at the other two men. Their interest in him had waned, giving him a tolerable amount of privacy. Carefully, he coated his fingers in the sweet-smelling oil and craned his back so that they could reach behind him and slip inside.

 _This was necessary_ , he told himself. Urbosa was going to make him do something sexual, and she would be angry if he didn’t prepare himself properly. That’s all there was to it. He tried to ignore the pleasure from his fingers. He was just cleaning himself, calmly and clinically. That was all. Never mind the fact that he hadn’t touched himself in a while, and his cock had been teased last night...

Link shuddered as he withdrew his fingers and swished them around through the water, then rocked back and forth against the floor, trying to wash the lather away from his ass. After he felt sufficiently clean, he stood up from the bath and located a shelf with fresh, folded towels. One of the other men was already there, drying himself off. As Link approached, his eyes widened as he saw the older man’s body.

It was a complete mess of scars, red and rough. There were welts of all shapes and sizes spread across his entire back, from his shoulders to his thighs. Most were long, parallel slashes that looked like they had been made by a whip. Many were faded, just dark lines of raised skin, but some were still fresh, glowing with an angry red color. The man paid Link no mind as he finished drying himself off and got dressed.

For about the hundredth time, Link wondered if coming here had been a mistake.

***

Before long, Link had figured out the layout of the harem quarters. They had seemed extensive last night when it was dark and he was sleep-deprived, but after spending some time exploring, he realized he could only access a tiny area. There were two hallways, lined with rooms identical to his own. The only other rooms were the bathing room, the room with the dining table, and a bedroom filled with candles and a huge, canopied bed covered in soft pillows. Urbosa’s, no doubt. Veiled servant girls made rounds to replace chamber pots and replenish toiletries. They all entered and exited through the locked door to the clubroom, which seemed to be the only way in or out. Somewhere in the back of Link’s mind, he noted that was some kind of fire safety hazard, but that was the least of his worries right now.

The only other thing that could be considered an exit was the open window high up in the bathing room. There were no other windows anywhere. With his exploration complete, Link once again found himself bored out of his mind. He couldn’t do his sword drills, so he resorted to practicing calisthenics in his room before the stale air forced him to return to the baths. He took a seat under the window and watched the other members of the harem come and go. None of them exchanged words with Link, or even each other. That didn’t bother him. He wasn’t here to make friends. Well, unless you counted Zelda.

It was a little worrying that every single man bore scars from flagellation, some worse than others. Evidently, some of them had been down here for years, judging from the age of their injuries. Link spent some hours alternating between memorizing faces and studying the wall under the window. It was hewn from aging stone brick, with plenty of cracks that were big enough to use as footholds. Perfect.

Link turned his head as the door was pushed open, but instead of a voe, it was Telma who walked in. She spied him sitting against the wall and motioned for him to come near. As Link got up, he took one last glance at the sun’s position outside, judging it to be late in the afternoon. As soon he got within grabbing distance of Telma, she dragged him outside and gave him a look. “Where’s your headpieces?”

“My room.” Link said, figuring she must have been talking about the bands of metal.

Telma followed him back, where the jewelry was still lying as he had left it. Telma seized a handful of Link’s hair, ignoring his protests, and tied it up into a frazzled bun. She repeated the action with a wider band, which pushed his bangs up out of his face, and clasped a simple choker around his neck. “Oh, honey, you look _perfect_! Urbosa is waiting for you down the hall.”

Apprehensively, Link trudged to the bedroom, not knowing what to expect. When he opened the door, Urbosa was already kneeling on the bed with the canopy drawn back. Instead of her usual armored regalia, she was wearing a lacy pink nightgown, so light that it was almost see-through. She was flanked by two of her massive, muscular voe, who weren’t wearing anything. Link blushed when he noticed that they were both already erect. It made him feel bizarrely out-of-place, like maybe he should have been hard too.

“Sit.” Urbosa commanded. She patted the cushion right in front of her, right in between the two voe. Link sat. He was surrounded. The candles around the room were lit, and all the smoke was making him feel lightheaded.

“So, Link...how are you liking it here so far?” It was more of a comment than a question. “Doing all this to protect the princess...we’ll see how strong your resolve really is.”

She gestured to the man on his left. “Get him off. Use your mouth.”

Link turned and mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. This was really happening. Fine. He was doing it for Zelda, so it was fine. He took the man’s cock into his mouth, using his tongue to play with the head. Urbosa watched him in silence. With his eyes down, Link couldn’t tell if she approved or not. The only sounds in the room were the wet, breathy noises his lips were making. He bobbed his head faster, thinking that she had just told him to get him off, so the sooner he did, the sooner this would be over. He spread his saliva along the shaft, and paused to breathe through his nose before continuing. Already, he could taste precome, so he was close.

Link lifted his head away, using his hand to keep stroking, trying keep the man hard while he gave his aching lips a break. Suddenly, Urbosa darted forward and slapped him across the face. Link fell sideways onto the bed, shocked at the sudden burst of pain.

“I _didn’t_ say you could use your hands.” She snapped. “Hold him, Mutoh!” On cue, the other man grabbed his wrists and held them together. With his arms wrenched behind his back, it was a struggle to return to a kneeling position. He bent forward, craning his neck to continue sucking cock, but without his hands to support his upper body, it was difficult to move his head as quickly as he was before. He tried to use his tongue to compensate, stroking some more pleasure out of the man in front of him. Apparently, it wasn’t enough, because he grabbed Link’s head with both hands and began roughly moving him up and down on his cock. Link’s grunts of protest fell on deaf ears. Urbosa laughed as she sat back on the bed and hiked up her gown.

“Ready to give up? Don’t forget, no one’s forcing you to stay.”

Link wanted to shake his head no, but couldn’t with his head in someone else’s hands and a cock being thrust up into his mouth. The only thing he could do was keep sucking until felt the man twitching uncontrollably. It was the only warning he got before the man came in his mouth, and Link felt it spilling over his teeth and dripping from between his lips. He tore his head away and coughed, reeling from the bitter taste of come in his throat. The man wasn’t done, and finished on Link’s chest as he continued to splutter. His arms were still being held behind his back.

“You enjoyed that, didn’t you?” Urbosa taunted. Link didn’t want to admit it, but his hardening cock was evidence enough. It was tenting under his baggy pants, so Urbosa reached forward and pulled the waistband down to his knees. His cock swung free, and stiffened a bit as Link struggled to straighten up. “Well then, this might not be so bad for you after all.”

A choked gasp escaped his lips as a pair of slick fingers slid inside him. The man holding him by the arms, Mutoh, forced him chest-first into the bed while fingering his sensitive ass. Link lay prone, feeling the fingers curl inside him. They pushed in to brush over his sweet spot, and shook deep against his walls. Link let out a whine and tried to grind into the pillows, but couldn’t bear to move away as the fingers dipped in and out. Pinned by his arms, unable to move any other way, Link started digging his face against the bed, dragging it around as pleasure took over his mind. He lay openmouthed, feeling every push inside him, until the fingers pulled out without warning.

The emptiness inside him was so sudden that he almost screamed in frustration. He smacked his forehead into the soft pillows, desperately wanting something back inside. Sharp fingernails worked their way under his chin and wrenched his head upward, bringing him face to face with Urbosa. She had taken off her gown at some point, and was wet between her thighs.

Slowly, she asked, “Do you want to leave?”

“No!” Link almost shouted. She could push him to the edge like this, but she couldn’t take his mind off his goal. Urbosa looked upward, past him, at Mutoh. Link tried to turn his head to follow her gaze, but her grip tightened, warning him not to. His arms were _still_ being held behind his back.

Link could only feel as something firm pressed against his entrance, and shuddered as the cock bullied its way in. His toes curled as he tried to relax his body around the pressure inside him. There was some lube, but it wasn’t enough. It was just so big...Link’s eyes rolled back in his head from pain and pleasure, before Urbosa lifted his chin again, forcing him to refocus on her face.

“Do you want to leave?”

“No...” Link grunted, much weaker this time, as the cock forced itself in even deeper. It stabbed hard against his prostate, eliciting a moan. His arms were finally released, and they collapsed into the bed, too weak to support him. The only things holding him up were Urbosa’s slender fingers under his chin and the massive hands pulling on his waist. A string of precome dripped from his cock to the sheets below as Mutoh began thrusting. Link was already strung so tightly that he hardly even registered Urbosa flicking his head away, allowing Mutoh to pull Link’s body upright. Link’s limbs went limp as the larger man fucked him, hitting his sweet spot on every thrust. It felt better than his fingers or anything else he had ever put inside himself, and his own member swung wildly, soaked in precome. Link started panting in exhaustion as the cock ground against his prostate, over and over. He had never had so taken so much pleasure so quickly, he didn’t know how long he could last like this. Tension was winding tightly behind his navel, and he was _so close_ to his orgasm when he was thrown off onto the bed.

If the feeling of emptiness was bad before, it was unbearable now. Link did scream this time, a guttural moan that was interrupted by Mutoh clamping a massive hand over his head and forcing him down into the pillows. Link was too breathless to do anything as he felt come splatter against his cheek. His hands moved down to finish himself off, but Urbosa quickly snatched them and pinned them to the bed.

“Mutoh, Ichiro, you’re dismissed.” Heavy panting filled the room as Urbosa addressed the two harem men. Lying on the bed, Link’s thighs clenched desperately as he heard them file out of the room. He tried pulling his hands free, but Urbosa didn’t even budge. She lifted Link up by the wrists until they were kneeling face to face. Even the slightest pressure on his thighs was torture, and Link was squirming, desperate for release. He groaned some more as Urbosa leaned in closer, still holding his wrists up.

She was close enough to feel the heat burning on his skin as she asked, “Do you want to leave?”

“N-n-ahh-ahh...” He whimpered, nearly in tears, as he finally came. His cock twitched as it leaked a pathetic amount, ruining the pillow under him. It was nothing compared to what he had taken on his face. He had never come like this before, completely handsfree and untouched. His cock _hurt_ from the inside, and he wanted so desperately to finish himself off, to relieve his aching...

Urbosa’s eyes flickered down to the mess between their legs, disappointed, but not surprised. She let go of his wrists, allowing Link to collapse, stroking himself desperately onto the bed. A few more weak spurts were forced out, but his orgasm was already over.

Once his head had cleared, he had enough sense left to realize Urbosa had simply been watching him writhe around in his own hands. Link instinctively flicked his gaze away, embarrassed, before collecting his wits and sitting up carefully, not wanting to make any sudden moves. The two harem men had followed her instructions, not even leaving until she explicitly told them to. He could do the same. She looked exasperated as she asked him, “Why did you come?”

There was no right answer to that question. When Link didn’t respond, she pointedly turned her gaze to a drop of semen on one of her knees. He hadn’t even realized he had gotten any on her. She wiped it off with a finger, then held it to Link’s face, her meaning clear. _Lick it_. When he did, her annoyed expression softened somewhat. Reaching out, she pulled his entire body on top of hers in one smooth motion while rolling onto her back. Link allowed himself to rest on her clean body, feeling sticky and sweaty in comparison. Urbosa was so much taller than him, and his head was resting under her breasts as she stroked his hair softly, caressing him like he was a baby. Link felt Urbosa’s body rise and fall with her measured breathing, and they stayed like that for a while until Link’s heart stopped pounding.

“You took that well.” Urbosa admitted. “Have you done something like that before?”

“Yeah.” Link whispered, not yet trusting his voice.

“This was supposed to be a punishment, not a reward...” She mused. Link didn’t say anything. It sounded to him like Urbosa was just thinking out loud, so he didn’t want to interrupt. If he did, she might have noticed how close he had come to breaking, how unprepared he was to take a cock of that size. “We need to work on your control...”

She continued to stroke his hair and mutter thoughts to herself, like he wasn’t even there, like he was just an object to be held and petted. He supposed that in a way, he was.

Finally, she gently sat up. It was such a natural motion, like she was rising from a deep sleep instead of lying naked with a used, ruined boy on top of her. Link rolled off the bed and stood, awaiting further instructions, not wanting to displease her now after having come so far. She smiled at his obedient demeanor before scraping his trousers off the bed and tossing them at him. “Go wash yourself off.”

Link caught the trousers on his elbow. The stickiness from his hands would have stained them otherwise. He swallowed, working up his courage, and asked, “Did you tell Zelda I’m down here?”

He partially expected Urbosa to bite his head off, but instead, she simply replied, “No.” Link breathed a sigh of relief as he retreated from the bedroom. So, she was satisfied with him, then, satisfied enough to give him a direct and honest answer. But the fact that Zelda didn’t know he was here was worrisome. He needed to do something about that.

By the time he made his way back to the baths, a plan was already formulating in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Link is VERY bisexual  
> 2\. No notes, only smut
> 
>  
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	4. The Plan

After finishing in the bath, Link retreated to his room and waited for night to fall. A long time ago, back at the castle, Lady Impa had tried to teach him some meditation techniques, all of which had since been forgotten. Sitting still for an extended period of time just wasn’t very fun. He liked to be on the road, constantly moving on to his next task. Maybe that was the reason he had become such a diligent soldier, and why he felt anxious if he wasn’t constantly working on something. Kind of like how he was anxious right now.

Zelda was the same. She was tireless in her research, always moving from one subject to the next. On more than one occasion, Link had accompanied her to the castle library, where her notes occupied entire tables and she skimmed through huge books faster than he could go retrieve them. When they got back from their first trip, she didn’t even allow herself a day to unpack and relax, instead already preparing for their next outing. And yet, she could remain still for hours as she prayed, even if it was in freezing cold water...

That was the kind of patience he needed. Link absentmindedly clacked his teeth together, impatient, just to break the silence in his room, as he estimated how much more time he needed. Three hours? Four hours?

When he couldn’t bear to wait any longer, he unfolded himself from the bed and slipped out into the darkened hallway. Urbosa had told him not to leave the building, but she was dreaming if she thought he would actually listen. Silently, he crept down the hall to the empty bathing room. The never-ending flow of running water produced enough noise to cover up the sound of his footfalls, so he allowed himself to breathe a bit, stepping casually across the hard tile. The moon shone through the window, providing enough light for him to make it around the edge of the bath pit and reach the far wall.

Link paused for a second to reiterate the route in his head. The window was about six meters up, and climbing in the dark was risky, but he had spent enough time studying the wall to identify and memorize a way up. With nimble, practiced movements, he climbed to his uncertain freedom, sticking his fingers into cracks he couldn’t see, but knew were there. When his hand gained purchase on the topmost stone, he pulled himself up and looked at the street below.

An annoying layer of dust coated his hands and feet as he perched precariously in the open window. It was six meters down to the bath, but only four meters down on the other side, which confirmed his suspicion that he was being kept in some sort of basement. The street was completely empty, but Link still had to fight off imaginary stares on the back of his neck as he descended. Climbing down was harder than climbing up. The guards had caught him every single time before, but that was when he was trying to break in - they focused all of their resources on the perimeter, so they had no reason to patrol within the town. Still, Link kept to the shadows as he silently made his way around a corner, and, after making sure the coast was clear, starting tiptoeing down a set of stairs.

He knew the layout of the harem quarters and the clubroom. Extrapolating that and applying it to the outside of the building meant that he was now standing in front of what should have been the correct door. Link knocked, and cringed as the sound rang out. The silence he had worked so carefully to keep was shattered, and an eternity passed as he waited for the voice on the other side of the door.

“What’s the password?”

“GSC♢.” Link hissed. When the door opened to let him in, he nearly jumped with joy, and had to forcibly remind himself to calm down, that it wasn’t over yet. He still had to bluff his way past whoever was on duty tonight. He entered and quickly shut the door behind him. The employee who let him in was staring, no doubt wondering why an unaccompanied voe came in from outside, and in the middle of the night, no less. Thinking fast, Link went on the offensive to deflect suspicion. “What are you staring at?”

The girl turned her head away, embarrassed. “Sorry, you...you don’t look like the others.” Link realized she was talking about the other harem men. All of them were massive, the only men who could possibly withstand Urbosa’s voracious love. He was short, even for a Hylian, but had already planned to use that to his advantage by working it into his request.

“Do you have vai clothing in here?” Link asked innocently. “I’m smaller, so tomorrow they want me to dress up as a vai...” He let his voice trail off, hoping that she wouldn’t pry, or ask who “they” were. The girl leaned on the counter and continued to gaze at him suspiciously.

“Which harem are you in?”

“Which...” Link’s mind went blank. “Umm, this one.”

“Really? You don’t seem like the chief’s type.”

“...They, uh, brought me in special. For that Hylian princess.” It wasn’t a total lie.

That was apparently a satisfactory explanation for the employee, who started looking through the crates in search of something suitable. Link breathed a silent sigh of relief as he took the opportunity to check on his stuff. Urbosa had been true to her word - the Master Sword hadn’t gone anywhere, although he couldn’t say the same about everything else. His packs had been opened and looted. Everything of use to a Gerudo soldier had been taken, including his brand-new shield and all his food. Thankfully, all of his armors remained, being many sizes too small for the average Gerudo, as did his tent, which was still in the same haphazardly folded pile it was in when he saw it last.

Link badly wanted to smooth it out and fix the wrinkles, but couldn’t with the girl standing right there. She finally found something appropriate - a folded pile of blue clothes - and handed it to him. “Here.”

“Thanks.” He moved to the entrance of the quarters, expecting her to unlock it for him, hardly daring to believe that he was almost home free. Instead, she bent behind the counter and retrieved a slip of paper, and slid it across the countertop at him.

“Sign here.”

Link stared at it. Panic started screaming in his ears. It was a paper register with three columns, one for signing out, one for signing back in, and one for the signature of an accompanying vai. He was caught. His name clearly wasn’t in the “sign out” column. In fact, according to the register, every single harem member was inside. He was going to be found out as soon as the girl took a closer look.

His only conceivable means of escape now was to talk his way out.

“I can’t sign that!” He blurted. Great start.

The girl looked up, alarmed. His cover was blown now, so he kept on talking. “Listen, you can’t tell anyone I was out here. I need these off the record. Can you just let me in?”

“N-no!” She stammered back. “I have to write this up - you’re not supposed to be out here!”

For some reason, she seemed to be even more terrified than he was. She was probably used to boring graveyard shifts, right? Security around the town was tight and none of the other harem members ever tried to escape, so this was probably the first time she was dealing with a situation out of her control.

Would she try to fight him? Did she even get paid enough to care?

Thinking about that gave Link an idea. He retreated to his packs, praying that his money was still there. “Okay, okay. What’s your name?”

The question was so unexpected that she actually answered it. “Muava.”

Link had told Telma about how Koroks enchanted his inventory, but neglected to mention a separate enchantment that had been applied to his rupees. The most skilled magicians of the Royal Court had bestowed on him a seemingly bottomless wallet, which the castle treasurer had filled with an absurd amount.

Of course, he was made to understand that it was really the princess’s money, not his, and he was to spend it on their trips to provide her only the utmost comfort. Somehow, he didn’t think this was what they had in mind.

“Okay, Muava, I’ll buy your silence.” He pulled out a handful of gold rupees, and her jaw dropped. It was probably more than she had ever earned in her life. She instantly ran over and cupped her hands, breathless at the value in front of her.

“Where did you get all this?”

“The princess...is a big tipper.”

It was a lame explanation, but Muava was too preoccupied to question it. She was busy stuffing the rupees into her pockets. Her hands were noticeably sweating, so she wiped them off on her pants before grabbing her keys and unlocking the door. Link couldn’t help but grin at how elated she looked. It had been too long since he had interacted with someone who was genuinely joyful, someone who didn’t have some kind of agenda, who wasn’t trying to scam him or snub him. It was a feeling he sorely missed, so why be stingy? He pulled out another handful. Muava started shaking in disbelief. “ _I don’t know what to say!”_ She squealed quietly.

“Then don’t say anything.” Link replied. It was advice that had worked well enough for him. He stepped through the door before she could respond, heard it lock behind him, and felt assured enough that she would keep her silence. As he made his way back through the darkness, back to his room, he openly displayed a cheesy smile that no one could see. Helping people was the part of being a knight that he had enjoyed the most. When he was assigned to Zelda, she really sucked all the fun out of the job, but his interaction with Muava left him feeling strangely optimistic. Optimistic, like he could make anyone happy now, even Zelda. On the other hand, his rational mind was warning him that it wouldn’t be as simple as bribing her with a couple thousand rupees.

Link finally found his room and made sure the door was shut tightly before lighting his lantern. Everything up until now had gone relatively smoothly, but that had only been the first phase of his plan. In the dim light, Link quickly stripped and stuffed his harem outfit under his mattress, which was the only feasible place to hide something in his tiny room. He unfolded the light blue fabric and looked it over.

In a way, it was exactly what he had expected. Traditional Gerudo clothing, with intricate designs woven into the silky blue material, sized for a Hylian to wear. It was light and breathable, meant for life in the desert. The pants were loose-fitting, just like his voe trousers, but slightly thinner, intended to show off curves he didn’t have. Link shoved his arms into the frilly sleeves before figuring out how to slip into the top. It hung loosely around his chest, and it took a minute of fidgeting before he could get it to stay. Once secure, it hung with enough slack to hide his lack of breasts.

Did women really have to do this every day? Link fumbled to clasp on a necklace. This was more complicated than putting on a suit of armor.

Finally, he turned his attention to the veil, by far the most important part of his disguise. He pulled the larger sheet of fabric over his head, covering his hair, then added the mask over top. The string pulled fast behind his head, pinning the mask to the bridge of his nose. With no time to spare, he silently surveyed his room to make sure everything looked normal and took a step towards the door. Instantly, his foot fell out of its flat sandal. Link fumbled to shove it back over his heel before taking another step. He had to keep his toes flexed out in order to prevent his flats from falling off. Somehow, he was able to make it to the bathing room. Standing under the window, Link took a deep breath before beginning to scale the wall for the second time that night.

This was truly the point of no return. He had considered stashing the vai outfit under his bed and waiting for a more opportune night, but the longer he waited, the higher his chances of being discovered. He had to act immediately before anyone could realize what he was up to. There was even a good amount of moonlight, which made this night his best option. Still, once he was in the window, he hesitated before jumping down. He didn’t know what kind of punishment would be inflicted if the guards caught him, but the lashes down the backs of the other men gave him an inkling of what he could expect.

It was still the middle of the night, and Link stayed alert as he snuck down the street. Now that he was loose in the town, he was tempted to do a little exploring to learn the layout of the city. Finding the palace was still priority number one. Link turned around, only to see it right in front of him.

Oh. Well, that was easy. So, he was being kept underneath the palace the whole time. Urbosa must have wanted to keep him close. Continuing down the street, he saw a plaza with a variety of stalls and shops, devoid of people in the moonlight, and immediately backpedaled to a wall. Even in the dead of night, he didn’t want to wander around in such a public area. Walking around at all was risky. He hadn’t planned specifically on where to go once he was out of the basement - he just assumed he would find a secluded corner somewhere and then hide until morning. Creeping down another back alley, he spied a few crates pushed against a wall, forming an alcove of sorts. It would be suitable enough.

Link crouched down behind the crates, and, wishing that he had paid more attention to Impa, prepared himself for another few hours of waiting.

***

“Wake up!”

Link’s eyes immediately shot open to desert sunlight. Despite being crammed in such an uncomfortable position, he had managed to fall asleep. He scrambled to push himself off the ground, but only succeeded in falling forward. Cramps burned in his legs and his neck as he struggled onto his feet. The Gerudo who had woken him grabbed a crate and started pushing it into the nearest doorway.

“What are you doing here!? You can’t sleep here! And you’re wearing your veil wrong! Fucking tourist...”

Link staggered away as the worker kept bringing in the crates. His addled mind registered the fact that his disguise had worked, it actually worked! He had been cursed out for the wrong reasons entirely. But still, he couldn’t rely on his clothing. He had to make it into the palace before someone saw through his disguise, or before they realized he was missing from his room. He stumbled out of the alleyway and found himself right in the bustle of the morning market.

Incredibly, no one looked at him twice. Link followed the flow of people, feeling tiny in the crowd of towering women. He only came up to the waist on most of them, and fought the urge to look up as he searched the shops for somewhere inconspicuous to stand. He nearly froze in his tracks when he caught sight of himself in a mirror, which was set up in front of a jewelry store. The elderly Gerudo who was tending the store didn’t even acknowledge him as he stopped and admired himself, being too busy hawking advertisements into the crowd.

He barely even recognized himself. There were no mirrors in the harem quarters, so he hadn’t had a chance to see how the vai clothing looked on him. It was...surprising how attractive he was. His bare shoulders and midriff were on prominent display, and his eyes shone mysteriously from behind his veil. What had that worker said? He was wearing it wrong? Link nervously glanced around the marketplace, trying to see how other women were wearing theirs.

He quickly realized that his mistake had been assuming the veil worked like a hood, and he had pulled the top half too far trying to cover his entire face. Instead, it was meant to perch on top of his head, shielding his hair from the harsh sun while not restricting its flow. It seemed counterintuitive, but using the veil to cover up his forehead actually made him stand out even more. Link tugged the veil into its proper position, exposing his long hair, then mussed around for a few seconds, trying to arrange his hair casually. He settled on parting it to the right, letting his bangs fall over his face and frame it in a way that he hoped looked feminine.

“Vasaaq, Hylian. Looking for something to wear?”

Link nearly jumped out of his skin. He had been so focused on his reflection that he didn’t even notice the proprietor drawing near. He frantically shook his head, panicked, unable to use his undisguised voice. He hoped the elderly Gerudo wouldn’t be pushy and ask him any more questions as he stepped away from the store. Thankfully, she didn’t try to pursue him. Link chastised himself. That was a wake-up call to keep moving, to keep focused on his goal. He didn’t even have any rupees on him, anyway. He continued to keep his head down as he made his way up the stairs to the palace.

There was one very simple reason why he had disguised himself as a woman: it was the only thing he could think of that was audacious enough to work. Urbosa wasn’t stupid. She almost certainly knew that he would try to sneak out at some point, but probably expected him to use his skills in stealth and climbing. Obviously, climbing into the palace through a window or something would have resulted in his immediate capture. Instead, he could act like everything was perfectly normal as he simply strolled in through the front door - there was no way they would be expecting him to do _this_.

There were guards posted on either side of the palace gate, armed with spears that could have cut him in half. Instead of avoiding eye contact, which would seem suspicious, Link gave them a completely ordinary glance. His heart was pounding so loudly that he was sure someone would hear, but the guards didn’t react. He looked like a tourist. This was the royal palace. Tourists went in and out all the time. Why would they treat him any differently?

Link nearly froze as he entered and spotted the throne at the far side of the entrance foyer. Urbosa was sitting upon it with perfect posture, listening to a complaint from some concerned citizen. If anyone was going to recognize him, it would be her. Link forced himself to remain calm as he averted his gaze and climbed a flight of stairs. One step after the other. Breathe deeply. At least he knew where she was now. On the landing of the stairs, he risked a glance to see if she had noticed him. She was still engrossed in conversation, speaking in a regal tone, but Link couldn’t make out the words as he disappeared down a hallway.

The bedrooms had to be up here. They had to be. A soldier was standing guard in the hall, but Link kept going like he belonged here, because anything else would have blown his cover. The soldier glared at him and tightened her grip on her spear as he approached. “This is a restricted area.”

“I’m here to see Princess Zelda.” He squeaked without thinking.

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He might have looked like a woman, but didn’t remotely sound like one. He had tried to pitch his voice up a few octaves, but it was so cracked and unconvincing that he was certain the guard would stab through him right then and there. He should have at least practiced talking in a high voice while he was waiting in his room last night.

Amazingly, the guard relaxed her grip and pointed down the hall. “Third door on the right.” Link nodded in silent gratitude and proceeded to the door. Of course, their trips out to the Divine Beasts were mostly confidential. Random Hylian civilians couldn’t just wander in and ask to see the princess, because no one knew she was here. The guard must have assumed he was a scheduled handmaid, a funny-sounding handmaid, but someone who could be allowed in nonetheless.

Link knocked on the door, rocking on his feet while he waited for it to open. He was a bit surprised at how calm he was, even though he had been fraught with nerves the whole way here. The hard part was over. His ridiculous plan had gotten him this far, so now it was just Zelda. He could handle Zelda.

At least, he hoped.

The door opened, and there she was, wearing a silky pink nightgown, looking as beautiful as ever. She looked him over curiously. “Yes? I didn’t call for anyone.”

Without saying a word, Link stepped inside and looked around. Zelda’s bedroom was a lot bigger than his own quarters, maybe even been bigger than her room at the castle. Her bags were unpacked and tucked neatly against the wall, and all her belongings were scattered on shelves. The table was covered in opened books, like she had been in the middle of studying. Looking at Zelda, he noticed her golden hair was flattened on one side. It was a mess he had seen before, when she had studied so late that she fell asleep at her desk, which was probably what she had been doing last night. Link smiled under his veil. That was such a _Zelda_ thing to do.

She was watching him with a strange look on her face. “The maids already came by this morning.”

Link turned so he could look her right in the eyes as he waited for her to figure it out. It was a bit refreshing to stand with someone who was actually his height. Zelda squinted. Link could practically see the wheels turning in her head until her eyes shot wide open, and her face transitioned from surprise, to anger, to confusion, then back to anger, then back to confusion, all in less than a second.

“ _Link!?_ ” She hissed in a low voice. “ _What_ are you _wearing_!?”

Link didn’t answer. Zelda wrought her head in her hands and flicked her gaze away from him. Her mouth was opening and closing like it had a million questions, but couldn’t figure out which one to ask first. A hand shot out to the back of a chair to steady herself, then she sat down on the bed.

Link broke the silence. “Zelda.”

“ _What_?” She asked incredulously.

“I’m sorry.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and left, leaving Zelda sitting on her bed, too stunned to say anything.

Really, that had been all that he wanted to say. He was sorry, sorry for being insensitive back on Vah Naboris. A long-winded explanation had failed him last time, so he decided a short and sweet apology would be best. Part of him had wanted to scream at her, asking her if she knew the hell she was putting him through, but he suppressed it, just as he always did.

Zelda wasn’t an idiot. She would be able to figure what it took for him to get up here.

Relieved, Link departed down the hall and out the palace gate. He was much less worried about getting caught now, since he had already said what needed to be said. Still, no one gave him a second glance as he amicably wandered back around to the side of the palace. The street had some people milling about, but he didn’t care about them as he began climbing back up to the window. What were they going to do, follow him up? Link let himself hang down before dropping to the stone floor of the bathing room. Even hanging from the window, it was still a drop of five meters, and he grunted as he hit the ground hard. There were three men in the bath, who were obviously alarmed that someone in vai clothing had just broken in. Link didn’t care about them either as he picked himself off the ground and made his way back to his room.

As Link changed back into his clothes, the vai outfit carefully went under his mattress. No one had even seen through his disguise, so it might be possible to try it a second time.

Link shoved his bed back into its wooden frame and then reclined, smiling and feeling like a huge weight had just been lifted off his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Did you really think I could get through this story without the Vai outfit making an appearance?  
> 2\. Muava is a real character in the game! You can visit her. She talks about how she traveled the world when she was younger, so go figure that she used the money to skip town.  
> 3\. Walking in flats is hard.
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	5. Gratification

As he finished up in the bathing pit the next morning, Link realized his head wasn’t clear just yet. There was still one thing that had been bothering him.

Muava had asked him which harem he was in. At the time, he was too nervous to focus on the question, but now that he thought about it, it carried the implication that there was more than one harem; more than one set of men for Urbosa and her associates do with as they pleased. By now, Link had memorized the face of everyone in his quarters. The two men who had fucked him at Urbosa’s command weren’t among them, so they must have lived in a separate dungeon, one reserved for more favored lovers.

Urbosa had probably shoved him in with the scarred, lowest ranking slaves, the ones who were used as whipping boys, in an attempt to intimidate him. Link scoffed as he scrubbed his back with a bar of soap, feeling his smooth skin, and imagined it ruined by crisscrossing scars. He was a knight, and no stranger to injury. If she was trying to scare him, it wasn’t working.

The only thing that he hated was the boredom. There was literally nothing to do but bathe and eat. The other members of the harem didn’t talk much, and Link wasn’t particularly keen on starting conversations with the damaged men. There was nothing to talk about, and the novelty of his diminutive size had worn off, so he didn’t feel like attracting any more attention than he already did. He moved on to soaping his legs and feet. Urbosa had informed him that his entire role was to keep clean at all times, so the fact that there was nothing to do except bathe was probably deliberate. Still, they could have at least given him a book, or something. Link placed the bar aside and searched for a bottle of slippery liquid soap that he could use to clean his privates.

He was almost getting used to this. As his slick fingers slid inside him again, Link blushed a bit as he was reminded of something else he could do, something that was done by all boys his age when they were bored. And with his fingers massaging his prostate, hardening his cock, he was sorely tempted to start using his other hand, but he resisted the urge.

Urbosa explicitly warned him not to touch himself. She had no eyes down here, but Link couldn’t shake the feeling that she would somehow find out.

Pulling his fingers out of himself left him feeling unsatisfied, and he tried to ignore the frustration as he washed his hand, then climbed out to dry off. He had another three hours of nothing to look forward to before lunch, so he took his sweet time walking back. When he pushed open the door to his room, he nearly had a heart attack.

Urbosa was lounging on his bed, with her feet resting on his chair, staring daggers at him as he entered. Link froze, a little proud that he had managed to not yelp in surprise. She waited for him to shut the door before speaking in a dangerous tone of voice. “Something happened.”

When it became clear Link wasn’t going to ask what, she explained, “Zelda was supposed to go out to Naboris yesterday evening. Instead, she came to me completely distraught. She felt terribly guilty about something, although she refused to tell me what. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, _would_ you?”

Link said nothing. Urbosa sighed, then redoubled her glare, but Link didn’t even flinch. He was getting pretty used to that glare, actually.

“When I ask you a question, you _answer_.”

Link forced his words out in a neutral tone of voice. “I wouldn’t know.”

Urbosa stood up from his bed to slap him across the face. It was the most telegraphed thing Link had ever seen, daring him to dodge out of the way, but he wasn’t going to fall for that obvious trap. Instead, he braced himself for the impact to his cheek. The slap was so forceful it was more like getting punched in the face, and Link was sent sprawling to the ground, dazed. He licked at his teeth to make sure they were all still there as Urbosa towered over him, her hair nearly scraping the ceiling.

“When you address me, use either “mistress” or “Lady Urbosa”. Now, _do you know what happened to the princess yesterday_?”

If she was in his room, then she already knew. Link briefly envisioned digging his own grave as he got up to face her. “Yes, mistress.”

Urbosa retrieved a distinctly phallus-shaped object from the bed, and presented it to Link. It was black in color, complete with testes, made of a firm material he didn’t recognize. It was surprisingly detailed, and a bit bigger than his own, ending in a flared base. Urbosa held it out to him, along with a small vial of lube.

“Strip, then use these.” She ordered.

“Yes, mistress.” The words came out a bit slurred through his pained mouth. He took the objects and placed them carefully on his desk, and began to strip his clothes. His body was still a bit damp from the bath, so they clung to his skin in places as he hastily peeled them off. There was no eroticism to his undressing. Urbosa was so irritated that it was almost palpable, but if she wasn’t here to enjoy him, then what was she here to make him do?

Link slowly coated the tip with lube, then hesitated for a second, trying to guess the best angle to make this work. He settled for lying down on his side, putting his weight on a thigh, and lifting his other leg up to reach his ass. He spread the lube around and inside, then slowly pushed the tip in and tried to relax as he felt the familiar weight settling inside him. He had never fucked himself like this before, at least not using a toy...

Link breathed softly as he began to move. The toy was exactly the right length and angle, and felt almost like the real thing, if a bit colder. It was easy to reach deep inside himself without having to strain, and his mouth fell open when he reached the sensitive mound in his walls. He rubbed the head of the toy against it a few times, grateful to finally be getting some release after being denied in the bath. His cock eagerly hardened against his stomach as he sped up. Urbosa sat back on his bed and waited for him to fall into a rhythm of pounding himself before speaking.

“Well, the princess is rather upset now. She’s even refusing her meals. And to think, this was supposed to be a relaxing vacation for her!” Urbosa leaned forward from the bed. “Well, I think she could use some cheering up! Don’t you?”

Link was near breathless, but managed to choke out an answer. “Yes, mistress.”

Urbosa carefully studied the way his face was turning red. In a patronizing tone, she said, “You can use your other hand.”

Link immediately grabbed his aching member, remembering how much it hurt when he left it untouched last time. He slowed for a second to roll his weight onto his elbow, trying to penetrate and stroke himself at the same time. The immediate relief felt so good that he lost focus, gasping for a few seconds before he realized Urbosa expected a response. “Thank you, mistress.”

“Don’t mention it.” She said, mockingly. “Zelda’s favorite food is fruitcake. I was going to go and buy some for her, but then I had an idea.” In one smooth motion, she stood up from the bed, lifting his mattress up with one hand as she rose.

The vai outfit was right there, exactly as he had left it. “Why don’t _you_ go instead?”

Link’s hands didn’t stop as he stuttered out, “I-I’d like that, mistress.”

From the way she said it, it was clear he had no choice but to agree. Urbosa held up the vai outfit for inspection, frowning at the wrinkles. She glanced over her shoulder back to Link, who was leaking a good amount of precome onto his stomach. “Alright, then. Stop what you’re doing and get dressed.”

Link was so close that he wanted to finish on himself right there, but there was no telling how Urbosa would punish him if he did. Slowly, he slid the toy out of himself, feeling miserable as he clenched on empty space for a few seconds. She had spotted him yesterday. Of course she had. He cursed himself for being foolish enough to ever think that she didn’t. Now, she wanted to get a good look at him up close, so there was nothing he could do but put on the vai outfit and let Urbosa walk around him, judging him from multiple angles, like she was a predator circling her prey.

As Link got dressed, he realized he had a problem. The vai outfit was so light and wispy than any kind of liquid on them bled through, darkening the cloth. The sticky mess between his legs was leaking into the fabric of his pants, leaving a stain that would be obvious to anyone who looked. His erection had gone down somewhat, so he held it between his thighs to avoid making a wet spot. When he was done changing, he stood still under her gaze. His quivering legs felt like they were too weak to support him, let alone carry him all the way across town and back.

Urbosa wasn’t done. She pointed to the toy he had left soaked on the table, and smirked to herself. “Leave that in.”

“Yes, mistress.” Link begrudged her, pulling down his pants to slowly slide it back where it belonged. As soon as the toy brushed against his sensitive entrance, his cock sprung back up, creating the stain he had worked so hard to avoid. When the head rubbed inside his walls, another gush of precome flooded out, and Link shuddered as he felt it ooze down his shaft. He clamped his eyes shut and tried to distract his mind with something else, anything else, other than the situation he was in right now.

Urbosa had wanted to work on his control, and this was her twisted way of doing so. The toy was as deep as it would go, held back only by the flared base. Putting it in while sitting was something he enjoyed, but leaving it in while standing was _agony_. He couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to walk around. Now that he was prepared to Urbosa’s standards, she took his arm and began gently leading him to the exit. Every single step caused the rigid toy to jostle against his insides, and he grunted with exhaustion every time it brushed against his prostate. How was he going to make it across town like this? Just walking to the clubroom had left him breathless.

Urbosa signed him out, nodding to the girl behind the counter, and dragged him to the door, where she started giving him directions. “The baker is on the north side of the market, right by the main gate. Go there, buy a fruitcake, and bring it to Zelda’s room in the palace. Do not orgasm before returning to this room.” Her grip on his arm tightened as she added, “Do not take your toy out at _any_ time. Clear?”

“Yes, mistress.” Link breathed, even though his mind felt hazy and he already forgot all the instructions. He was trying to focus on getting his erection down before Urbosa kicked him out the door. It wasn’t so bad when he was standing still.

She pressed a silver rupee into his other hand and propped the door open for him. “Of course, if it gets too much for you, you can always leave town. But then Zelda won’t get her cake, now will she?”

Link was too pent up to respond as he stepped outside. He took a deep breath, trying to remember which way was north. Every slight movement added to the tension that was twisting behind his navel. He started walking to the market, hoping no one would notice his unusual gait - not quite limping, but still struggling to put one foot in front of the other. He hadn’t even made it the end of the street before another problem presented itself.

The toy inside him wasn’t designed for something like this. Its shape was meant for easy in-and-out movement, and right now, it was coming out. Urbosa had warned him not to remove it, and he didn’t think she would accept excuses if it slid out as he was walking.

She wasn’t here, but Link was once again haunted by the feeling that she would somehow find out.

Nervously glancing around, Link turned his back to a wall before reaching behind himself. The thick toy speared against his prostate on its way back in, and a moan built in his throat, but he forced it back down before it could escape his lips. The street wasn’t very crowded, but there were still people going about their business in town. He had to be quiet.

He moved slowly, biting his lip under his veil, trying to hold the toy inside him using just his muscles. Once he turned a corner, the main marketplace came into view, and Link’s panic rose. It was late morning, and most people had already finished their shopping, but there were still _so many_ people around. The marketplace was a long plaza, one straight line from the main gate to the palace, and he had to make it all the way to the far end without being caught.

He once again kept his head down, hiding his lower half by leaning forward. With every step, the pressure of the toy inside him threatened to send blood to his cock. Link tried to focus on the sights and smells of the marketplace, desperately trying to take his mind off the burning roar inside of him. He thought he could hear some pushy vendors calling out to a Hylian tourist, but he couldn’t be sure with nervous blood pounding in his ears. He had made it about a third of the way before the toy started slipping loose again.

With no other options, Link tried to act as casual as possible as he leaned backward and palmed it back up into himself. It speared against his prostate again, and his cock stiffened as he desperately tried to will it not to. Shuddering, he bit down even harder on his lip as sticky strands of precome dripped out, making a mess of the front of his pants. If he got an erection now, there would be no way to hide it. He could try physically forcing it down, or hiding it against a thigh, but his poor cock was so sensitive that he would ruin his pants if he even touched it. Link stopped and rested his hand against a wall, doubled over like he was out of breath, and tried to calm down.

He was absolutely terrified that any second now, someone would take a closer look at him, they would see through his paper-thin disguise, they would call him out as a deviant freak, they would have him thrown out of town, and then he wouldn’t get to see Zelda.

Zelda. Zelda could motivate him like nothing else could.

He was her appointed knight and he had to be single-minded in his goal, and right now, his goal was to deliver a cake. Simple. Nothing sexual about it. Purging his mind of all thought, he continued, somehow managing to make it all the way to the end of the marketplace.

The open gate taunted him as he looked around, and he could almost feel the sweet release, just meters away.

He could step outside the city, tear off these musky, ruined clothes, and let his hands stroke him to completion all over the sand, not caring who saw him...

Link told that part of his brain to shut up as he spotted the stall. There were baskets full of fresh bread in front, and a baker tending to a clay oven in the back. Link inwardly groaned. Part of him had hoped the cake would be on prominent display, so he could just point to it, but it wasn’t going to be that simple. He was going to have to ask for it, but right now, he doubted his ability to form any words at all, much less in a convincing female voice. An employee greeted him as he approached the stall, but Link could barely hear what she said.

He pointedly avoided her eyes as he breathed in, preparing himself for the worst. At least he wasn’t moving his legs, so he could actually focus on pitching his voice up.

Timidly, he squeaked, “Do you have fruitcake?”

The clerk looked at him a bit funny, then stepped to the back of the store to retrieve the cake from an ornate breadbox. She placed it in a clean, plastic box and spent an unreasonable amount of time tying its ribbon into a complicated bow. Link was glad for the wait, resting his elbows on the counter and breathing softly behind his veil, feeling his heart rate slow somewhat. His cock calmed back down, but he was still a sticky mess. Streaks of lube leaked from his ass and started running down the inside of his thighs. Some of it trickled down to his ankle as he stood.

“Forty-eight rupees.”

It was an outrageous price, but Link couldn’t bring himself to care right now. He thrust the silver rupee at the clerk, mentally preparing himself for the walk he had to take back. The toy in his ass was close to slipping out a third time, and he risked pushing it back up, going slow enough this time to not overexcite himself. Still, he couldn’t stop his core from tensing up, and it took all his self-control to not moan out loud.

The clerk handed him his change, which he took in his soiled hands. It wasn’t until now that he remembered they were still coated in lube and sweat and semen, and were clammy from repeatedly adjusting the toy through his stained clothing. Link decided that the left was slightly cleaner, and so used it to carry the box, leaving his right hand to dangle at his side. The clerk called a “sarqso” after him, but he didn’t acknowledge it as he shuffled away, not caring how rude he seemed.

Now all he had to do was make it back to the palace. Link took small, deliberate steps, trying not to disturb anything sensitive. He consoled himself with the fact that he had already made it this far - he could definitely make it back. Trudging down the marketplace with a box under his arm made him look a little less suspicious, like he actually had business being here, and he held it slightly in front of him, trying to conceal the stain.

He had to hand it to Urbosa, because she really couldn’t have devised a better way of working on his orgasm control. Despite being a dripping, quivering mess on the way here, he could almost ignore the pleasure when walking over flat ground. The stairs leading up to the palace, on the other hand, were going to be much trickier. His sore ass stretched out every time he lifted one of his thighs, and he was flushing and sweating hard by the time he ascended the last step.

The guards looked at him, concerned, with no way of knowing that his sweat wasn’t from the sun, but from the indescribable feeling of being denied his release for so long. Link seized up and felt a dizzy heat rushing up his neck.

The muscles under his abdomen kept twitching, harder and harder, and his mind went hot with nerves. He knew his own body. He knew what that meant.

His brain was screaming that one of the guards was going to grab him by the arm or shoulder, trying to help him, and he would come from just the slightest contact to his skin. He clenched his teeth so hard that his vision momentarily whited out, and when it came back, Urbosa was standing in front of him, saying something.

She must have been a dream or a hallucination. Link’s tortured mind couldn’t be sure as he was led, or maybe carried, up the stairs. He didn’t even realize he was sitting down until his hearing restored itself, and the persistent roaring that had been in his ears faded away, replaced with the heavy sounds of his own panting. He was aware of something soft under him. It took another moment for his head to clear, and he recognized it as the cushioned sofa in Zelda’s room.

Urbosa was sitting alongside him, lounging, as she waited for his breathing to normalize. His cock was spreading the sticky mess as it twitched under his pants, and she looked at it, unamused. “You better get that down before the princess arrives.”

Arrive? In her own room? He was too far gone to form the words to question it. He tried to focus, breathing through his nose to calm himself, and watched his erection go limp, although it was rather pointless since the entire front of his pants was streaked with precome. The outfit was beyond ruined. There was no way he could wear these clothes again.

Link’s mind was torn in two - congratulating himself for making it all the way up here, and screaming at himself for not leaving town when he had the chance. The soft seat blissfully dulled the sensation of the toy still inside him. It reduced the grinding in his ass, but had done nothing to lessen the heat twisting inside of him. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a door opening behind him, and he turned his neck around to see Zelda walk in.

_...What was she wearing!?_

Instead of her nightgown, or her pajamas, or her travel gear, or _any_ other outfit she owned, she was wearing her prayer dress, which had been inexplicably soaked in water. The white material clung to her body, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. She didn’t have a brassiere, and her breasts were visible through the wet fabric, and Link snapped his head away to stare at the floor, horrified.

He would never admit it to anyone, but he had dreams where he was in situations like this. More than once, he had woken with a wet spot already between his legs. What teenage boy didn’t? Now that he actually _was_ in a situation like this, it was mortifying. Zelda seemed only marginally less embarrassed than he was when she spotted him. She wrapped a towel around her body as Urbosa stood to announce, “Link is here, as requested. He even brought fruitcake for you! I’ll leave you two to talk, little bird.”

Link kept his eyes pointed front. The dizzy heat started rising up his neck again. Before leaving the room, Urbosa turned around like she meant to give Link a friendly pat on the shoulder.

It was anything but friendly. Urbosa’s fingers surprised him as they dug into his skin and forced his whole body down. Link nearly let out a yell as the toy inside him speared up against his sweet spot, but held it back at the last second by biting down on his lower lip, _hard_. The tension strung behind his navel broke, flooding from his body, and he smashed a palm into his cock as he lost control. A hot mixture of shame and relief washed over him as his hips jerked weakly with each spurt of come, and he squeezed himself through a fistful of clothing, trying to wring out the aching. A few more drops of white seeped up through the fabric, adding to the sticky mess in his lap and his hand.

Grinning mischievously to herself, Urbosa made her exit, leaving Zelda oblivious to what just happened. Link sagged into the couch as the princess unboxed the cake and cut two slices. Before she rounded in front of him, he had enough sense to straighten up and hunch over in a feeble attempt to hide the mess. Zelda seemed not to notice as she handed him his slice, then pulled up a chair to sit across from him.

Link tried to use the plate to cover his crotch as he considered his situation. He had requested to speak with Zelda, so Urbosa, being the sadist that she was, had complied, by leaving him here with his head spinning, his cock sore, his prostate buzzing, and sitting in a puddle of his own come.

“So,” said Zelda acidly, “What would you like to talk about first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This might be the most self-indulgent chapter yet.  
> 2\. That second image of [Zelda in her dress](https://66.media.tumblr.com/c0bd90bcaeb3a116129eec1506a4c44b/tumblr_p22bqip8Yn1roncc3o4_640.jpg) shows up here!  
> 3\. Link is kind of a villain in this story. His behavior borders on obsessive. This WILL be addressed ~~later~~ next chapter.  
>   
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	6. A Pleasant Conversation

Link started out by blurting the most burning question on his mind, although he tried to phrase it casually. “Why are you wearing that? I thought you hated it.”

“Oh, this?” Zelda picked at the neckline of her dress. “Urbosa recommended immersing it in water, to stave off the heat. It’s working quite well.”

That _witch_. Of course Urbosa had recommended it, no doubt knowing the effect it would have on any man. Even after coming down from his orgasm, it was impossible not to notice the way it hugged her curves. The slice of cake in front of him seemed like the safest place in the room, so he settled for staring at it as Zelda fixed her towel.

“And what about you?” Her voice was dangerously calm. “Where did you obtain those... _tasteful_ garments?”

“Lady Urbosa told me to wear them.” He said, which wasn’t a lie.

Zelda folded her arms. “Oh. I see.”

Link tried to think of what he’d said wrong, before deciding to just throw caution to the wind and ask. His mind was currently too dull to play the complicated game of conversation. All of the brain cells he had left were being used to hide the mess in his pants.

He slipped his veil away from his face and took a bite of cake, bracing himself for the worst. “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh, nothing is wrong.” She immediately spat back. “It’s just astounding, the lengths to which you will go to make my life difficult.”

 _He_ was making _her_ life difficult?

“What part of _stop following me_ do you not understand? Because I don’t know how I could possibly make myself any clearer.” She swallowed her bite of cake and started articulating slowly, like she was speaking to a child.

“When I’m _in the city_...” She pointed at the floor. “...you need to be _out of the city_.” She gestured at the wall in some vague outward direction.

Despite his nervousness, Link nearly rolled his eyes at how melodramatic she was being.

Still using her patronizing voice, she started lecturing at him, “Do you even know why we have laws? Do you?”

Link nodded, but she explained anyway. “To prevent the moral degeneration of society. Not that you would know about morals. You don’t know anything, beyond following orders.”

She plucked a blueberry off her cake and popped it into her mouth. “Tell me: If my father commanded you to throw yourself from the castle’s highest tower, would you do it?”

“Which one is that?” Link murmured instinctively, trying to picture the spires in his head. The central one was the tallest, right?

Zelda slapped a palm to her face, frustrated. “...You see, Link, there is a _law_ in Gerudo Town that says you’re not allowed in. You must _follow_ that law, regardless of how _sacred_ of a sword you’re carrying. Understand?”

He meant to reply. He really did, but between his addled mind and his conscious effort to not look at her body, the words got stuck on his tongue. Zelda misinterpreted his slowness as a relapse into his usual silence, and resumed talking before he could start.

“Three days.” She fumed. “ _Three_. _Days_. That’s all the grace I was allowed before my appointed knight comes up with some depraved disguise to harass me further. Men are not allowed into Gerudo Town. That - that is _final_. I could _tolerate_ your presence on Vah Naboris, but coming into town shows...it shows...” Zelda’s hands shook and clenched into fists as she tried to describe exactly what it showed. “It shows a _blatant disregard_ for the sanctity of a lawful society.”

With that, she shoved the rest of her cake slice into her mouth, then sprung up from her chair to get more. Link kept his eyes pointed down, deadened and unmoving, as he tried to figure out what her problem was. She was distraught, yes, but guilty? Definitely no. All the pieces in his head suddenly clicked into place.

Urbosa had lied to him. Zelda’s distress was exaggerated, if it had even existed at all, just so Urbosa could manipulate him into meeting her in...in _these conditions_. Link shuddered a bit when he was reminded of the sticky mess around his legs. Already, it was beginning to feel clammy and uncomfortable.

Zelda pointedly kept quiet as she cut herself another slice. Link figured that, according the script in her head, this was the part where she was giving him an opportunity to make excuses; a chance to justify his protection. But he knew from experience that if he started talking, she would just shoot his excuses down and use them as material to berate him with.

She outclassed him as a wordsmith so badly that any arguments they had had in the past were depressingly one-sided. He had long since given up trying.

So instead, he used the moment to peel the wet fabric from his crotch, quietly wincing as the stickiness clung to his skin. By now, most of his mess had settled in the creases of his thighs. The majority of visible stains were tucked between his legs, but there would be no disguising the smear of wet spots on his front. The only thing he could do was make sure everything was hidden under his plate before Zelda returned.

She plopped herself down in her chair with unnecessarily good posture and looked down on Link’s hunched, stiff figure. “Even when explicitly ordered to leave, you camped at the city gates, _begging_ for an audience with me. Well! I was content in simply leaving you there, but your unwelcome visit yesterday convinced me otherwise.” She vindictively stabbed her cake with her fork to illustrate the point. “No, it’s clear that you must be dealt with _now_ if I am to get any work done on this trip.”

“I was just trying to say sorry.” Link mumbled pathetically.

“And I was just trying to do my research!” She countered immediately. “And I hoped I could do it without constantly having to fear intrusion! I can do without your apologies, Link, as well as anything else you have to offer.”

He had come here hoping for reconciliation, and felt that hope leave his body as Zelda pointed an accusatory fork in his direction.

“I would like you to know that all your begging meant _nothing_. Urbosa only allowed you into the city at _my_ request, just so I could tell you a final time: _I am not in need of your protection_. Do you understand?”

The only thing Link’s muddled mind could understand was that she was under the impression he had been camping at the gates. Apparently, Urbosa wasn’t above lying to Zelda either. She must have misled her, probably because Zelda would have thrown a tantrum if she knew Link was living in the palace.

Kind of like what she was doing right now.

He gathered enough courage to glance away from his cake to meet her fierce stare, grimacing a bit as he shifted around in his own mess. Zelda somehow didn’t notice as she furiously snapped her fingers in his face.

“Link. You wanted to talk, so talk. _Do you_ or _do you not_ understand?”

“I do.” He said monotonously. Zelda stuffed half of her cake into her mouth at once, chewing it aggressively, then got up again to cut herself a third slice. Link listened to the dull thunk of the knife as she chopped through the cake with a little bit more gusto than was really necessary. When she sat down, he noted with absurdity how she swallowed before starting to speak again. Even now, her table manners were impeccable.

“Go back to Kara Kara, Link. You will not be allowed into the city at any point after today. Urbosa is aware of your...” She waved a frustrated arm at his outfit. “... _methods_ , so don’t even try it. Do you know what will happen if you get caught again?”

Link’s mind called up images of the scarred, bleeding men who were imprisoned under the palace.

“No.” He lied hoarsely.

“It will reflect badly on _me_.” Zelda said, like this was the most grievous punishment imaginable, and Link couldn’t keep the look of exasperation off his face.

She bit her fork for a second before moving on. “And, just so you know, my stay here has been extended until the end of this month. Our subsequent trip to Lanayru has been shifted accordingly.”

She started scrutinizing Link’s face for any hints of displeasure. Apparently, she found some, because she turned her nose up and huffed, “Sorry if you wanted to fuck a Zora, Link, but it’s going to have to wait.”

“Hey.” Link snapped.

He could take all kinds of abuse, but insulting his sexuality was a new low. And where did she learn to swear like that, anyway?

Sensing that she’d finally broken through his stoicism, Zelda’s tone escalated into a condescending snarl, trying to provoke him further. “The Zoras, as well as anyone _reared in their culture_ , have repeatedly proven themselves impossible to work with. We shall henceforth spend as little time as possible in their presence, for nothing of value could possibly be gained from them.”

 _...or their Champion_ , Link finished in his head.

The real reason why Zelda resented Zora’s Domain was incredibly obvious to anyone with eyes and ears. Their crown princess, Mipha, was everything that Zelda wasn’t: beloved by her subjects, skilled in combat and diplomacy, and boasting an impressive command of her ancestral magic. The fact that Link was her childhood friend had been commented on by members of the court, saying how lucky the champions were to have such preexisting relationships.

Zelda didn’t seem to find it lucky. Their familiarity only irked her further.

During the champion ceremony, Link and Mipha took the opportunity to catch up, chatting the night away as old friends. When Zelda noticed the two of them walking side by side, she first stared in disbelief when she witnessed Link actually participating in a voluntary conversation. Once she got over her shock, she gave Mipha only the most obligatory of greetings, then avoided them for the rest of the night. Mipha reacted in the unflappable manner that one could expect of a diplomat, but she was clearly a little mystified.

Link ended up making excuses for Zelda, explaining to Mipha that Zelda’s rudeness was directed at him, and any directed to her was simply by association. Nothing personal. Mipha took it in stride, but Link could tell that she was still concerned. Before they parted, she gave him a look, one he had seen many times growing up. _Be careful_.

He was torn away from his thoughts when he realized that Zelda was expecting him to react in some way to her insults. When he didn’t, she narrowed her eyes at him threateningly. “Are you okay, Link?”

“Huh?” He asked, suddenly panicked.

“You’ve hardly even touched your cake.” She motioned to the uneaten food in his lap. He had only taken one bite, due to his terror of moving even in the slightest.

“Uh...” He looked down at his cake like an idiot. “I had a big breakfast.”

“Really?” She was definitely suspicious now. “That’s never stopped you from eating before.” Link internally cursed. Even when angrily ranting and raving, Zelda had a keen eye for observation.

He tried to shift the plate a little. What would the princess do if she discovered he had been sitting there after having come in his pants? She was well-versed in biology, but how much did she know about... _that_?

Would it be possible for her opinion of him to get any lower?

“Why do you want to stay in Gerudo so badly?” He asked, desperate to get Zelda’s mind off the subject of his odd behavior.

It worked. Zelda briefly flicked her eyes away, distracted. She forced on a composed expression before launching into another rant. “Father believes my scholarly pursuits are a waste of time. He’s ignored the _many_ advisors who have recommended I focus on my education, and expects me to spend every waking minute in prayer.”

She started wringing her hands, organizing her thoughts, no longer staring him down. Link offered his silent gratitude to any deities who were listening.

“Urbosa, like most cognizant individuals, has recognized the folly of his decision and is graciously allowing me to continue my research under her guidance. She has assigned specialized tutors to round out my studies, and is personally educating me in administrative procedure, bilateral trade, heuristic diplomacy and sapphic tradition. Why _wouldn’t_ I want to stay here?” The last sentence was stressed in a way that made it clear she couldn’t imagine a stupider question if she tried.

Link nodded, tight-lipped. He didn’t know what half those words meant, but nodding seemed to placate her somewhat. Now that it was clear Zelda had only wanted him for his usual role as an outlet for her frustrations, he just wanted to get out of here.

Yeah. Getting out and taking a bath seemed like a good idea right now. Screw her, and screw Urbosa too, for manipulating his hopes, and allowing him to believe his presence was wanted here. Urbosa had clearly gotten some sick pleasure out of leaving him here with Zelda, unable to move through his ruined pants and a toy up his ass.

But he wasn’t going to leave without getting some last words in.

“If everyone you meet is giving you problems, maybe it’s you who’s the problem.” He said, trying to appeal to her logic. It was a mistake.

Zelda bristled, and Link flinched, instantly regretting his decision to speak. “Really? _Really_? I am _not_ the problem! You know what _is_ a problem? Father is neglecting the damned Sheikah research that predicted the Calamity in the first place! That’s a fucking problem! The researchers are suffering for it, and everyone else is too afraid to argue with him! If I don’t stand up to him, no one will, and it’s clear that I need to, because _obviously_ , I’m just a _failure_ who can’t be relied on to stop the Calamity!”

She drew a deep breath, but didn’t let up. “Only you, the perfect hero, can be relied on, apparently. And you know what, Link? I’m _sick_ and _tired_ of hearing it! Because it’s clear to me that you’re a _cipher_ and a _sycophant_ with no will of your own. No _brain_ of your own! The only reason you pulled the sword is because you were ordered to!”

“That’s not true.” He protested feebly. It was the only thing he could think of to say as the most important woman in the country was yelling at him half-naked.

She continued as if she hadn’t even heard him. “If you’re so good at obeying orders, then why can’t you obey mine? It’s _you_ who has _repeatedly_ failed to follow the most simple of instructions, because you think that the damned sword on your back puts you above the law! This whole time, you’ve been brooding ten paces behind me, but now that you can’t, you suddenly want to make amends?”

She paused, and Link fooled himself into thinking it was over. But, apparently, there was no stopping her now that she had gotten herself worked up. “I have _had_ it with your _stalking_! It’s bad enough that I was saddled with you in the first place, but now you’re following me _into Gerudo Town_ , of all places! Why can’t you get it through your incompetent head to _leave me alone_!?”

Seized by some inexplicable urge to defend himself, Link started, “I...”

His voice, unsure of where it was going, trailed off weakly.

“You? You _what_!?” Zelda challenged him. “You think I’m a failure too? You thought you were _comforting_ me? You get off on dressing like a woman?”

Her hands were shaking as she clutched her plate, waiting for a response. When Link failed to provide one, Zelda only seemed to become more frustrated. Ranting had helped her vent some bottled-up stress, but she still clearly had a lot left.

She could outtalk Link so easily that it was pathetic, but now that he had reverted to silence, she looked almost disappointed that he wasn’t going to argue back.

But Link was her favorite doormat, if nothing else. And since this was the last time she would speak to him for a month, she wasn’t about to let him leave without insulting him a bit more.

“It’s okay to not say anything, Link.” She said, indignant. “As a matter of fact, _stay that way_ , because I know exactly what your simple mind is thinking. Yes, I _am_ a failure. Thank you for noticing. It’s okay, I’m used to it. Go and fuck your perfect Zora princess while I do my work.”

“Don’t bring her into this.” Link muttered reflexively.

Zelda pounced on this immediately. “Why shouldn’t I? Mipha is a champion too, so my failure is hers as well. Not that she, or anyone else, cares. All she cares about is molesting Hylians who are fifty years her junior, and everyone loves her for it! She just struts around and garners praise when she hasn’t even done anything worthy! Just like you!”

Slowly, clearly, angrily, Link said, “She’s doing her job.” The implication was clear.

Zelda shot back, “You think I’m not doing mine? You think I haven’t been trying for _years and years_? I would _kill_ to awaken my power, and you two _licentious ingrates_ just act like it was the easiest thing in the world when you _haven’t even done anything worthy_!”

Link felt an uncharacteristic temper surging through his body. Alarm bells were going off in his head, warning him to not push things too far, but he ignored them. “I’m doing my job, too.”

Zelda’s eyes widened. She practically hissed at him through her teeth as she continued. “No, you _aren’t_. Your job is not to interrupt my research. Your job is not to stalk me into my bedroom. No - listen. Your real job is to follow my orders. So when are you going to start doing your real job?”

“When you start doing yours.” He retorted before he could stop himself.

Even if he didn’t show it, her abuse had eaten away at him. The insult had formed on his tongue and slipped out before his sluggish, idiotic brain could catch it.

Any kind of catharsis from _finally_ insulting the princess after months and months was overpowered by guilt when he glimpsed a flash of hurt on her face. It disappeared almost immediately as her expression shifted into one that was terrifyingly neutral. She blinked, then looked at him with eyes full of nothing.

“Say that again.”

Link internally panicked, but it was too late to go back now. He had said what he had said, and there would be no retracting it. “I’ll do my job when you do yours.”

It was a blunt string of syllables that cut straight to the point. For a brief second, they stared at each other, both unmoving, both breathing angrily. He entertained a fleeting fantasy that maybe they could just glare at each other until someone dropped dead from starvation, but Zelda moved first. She put up an impassive expression, one she must have had years of practice wearing, and pointed at the door. In a restrained voice, she informed him, “This conversation is over. Get out.”

Link glanced at the tip of her finger, then shook his head. “No.”

Zelda shot him the dirtiest look he had ever seen in his life. “Get. Out.”

Somewhere in the back of Link’s mind, he knew he had irreversibly screwed things up. Suddenly, he felt fury like he had never felt before. It was like he had been angry for years and years, but only just realized it now.

If the princess was never going to forgive him anyway, then he was finally free to tell her exactly what he had wanted to tell her for months.

“You are so damn ungrateful.”

“Get out.”

“I have as little choice as you do.”

“ _Leave_.”

“We can’t even have a _damn conversation_! _Fix your fucking attitude_!”

His voice escalated into a shout, with more emotion in it than he had shown her over the past year.

Her blank mask cracked, and something like shock darted across her face for a split second. Zelda hesitated, and Link felt an absurd, insane sense of accomplishment that he had actually managed to scare her.

She recomposed herself and stood up, but her trembling bottom lip belied her emotions. She pointed at the door again, and her voice quavered as she said, “Leave. Final warning. Your earlier apologies have _not_ been accepted. Stay at Kara Kara for the remainder of the month, and I shall _consider_ entertaining what you have to say.”

Link’s head was pounding with anger. Suddenly, he felt ridiculous. Things shouldn’t have gone this way. He never, _ever_ raised his voice, but somehow, he was the one who was screaming, and Zelda was the one who was being mature and levelheaded. Well, if that was the way things had ended up, then fine. He would provoke her the same way she had provoked him.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a month, Zelda. Maybe your powers will have awakened by then.”

“...Get OUT!” She shrieked at him.

When he didn’t immediately comply, she grabbed her empty plate to fling it wildly at his head, missing by a wide margin. The shards clattered to the ground as she smacked herself facedown into her bed, in tears, probably wondering why she had been dumb enough to request talking to him in the first place.

Link was wondering the same thing about himself as he dragged his feet against the floor. As he got up from the couch, the mess of dried semen on his skin stretched uncomfortably. He had nearly forgotten that he had come in his pants.

It was almost funny - he had been so terrified that Zelda was going to find out. Now, he couldn’t imagine it being worse than what had actually happened. He placed his untouched slice of cake down on a desk before leaving the room. As he did, his anger began to fade, and he numbly realized exactly what he had done.

He had insulted the princess, _badly_. If Zelda didn’t hate him before, she unquestionably did now. Forget the slight chance that she would have forgiven him in a month. Now, there was no way she would forgive him, _ever_.

It didn’t matter that his mind had been dull. It didn’t matter that she had insulted him first. There were no excuses whatsoever. This was truly the worst thing he had ever done. The rage in his veins disappeared, replaced with regret, panic, and few other things he couldn’t recognize. His head and his ass felt sore, and the dull feeling spread through his whole body as he closed the door behind him.

Despite her earlier promise of leaving the two alone, Urbosa was standing in the hall, leaning against the wall with crossed arms. From the way she was glaring at him, she had clearly overheard everything.

“Send someone to clean the broken plate.” Link mumbled at her, unsure of why that seemed important right now. Urbosa didn’t react. With a miserable feeling sinking in the pit of his stomach, he tugged his veil back over his face and limped after Urbosa down the hall.

Whatever punishment Urbosa had planned for him, he wasn’t going to fight it, because it was probably exactly what he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. It gets worse before it gets better.  
> 2\. I rewrote this chapter like three times trying to get the dynamic I wanted between Link and Zelda. It still doesn't feel quite right, but. Eh.  
> 3\. Some people get eloquent when they get mad. Zelda is probably one of them.  
> 4\. Mipha deserved better  
> 5\. Thorough knowledge of Sapphic Love is literally a job requirement for being the Gerudo Chieftain.  
> 6\. Zelda is described as "frustrated" like four times, that's probably significant.
> 
>  
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	7. Nothing Happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for self-loathing in this chapter.

Link lay faceup staring blankly at the ceiling. Despite replaying the day over and over in his head, he was unsure of how he got back here. At some point, he had been escorted by Urbosa back down to his room. After stripping him and finally removing the toy from his ass, she had given him a long, loud lecture about his worthlessness, striking him in the face over and over when he didn’t react, and concluded with a complete list of his various transgressions.

“Sneaking out of your quarters, four lashes. Failure to obey a direct order, two lashes. Causing undue stress to a ward of the state, ten lashes...”

His ears were already ringing from repeated blows, and listening hurt in an abstract sort of way, so Link didn’t bother. Everything, especially his own well-being, seemed inconsequential now. It was almost unreal, like he had ruined his relationship with Zelda so badly that it couldn’t be believed.

Link smacked his head into a shoulder. He had been crying, but couldn’t remember when. Sneaking in and apologizing was supposed to fix everything, to at least express his regret for making Zelda cry back on Vah Naboris. Instead, Zelda had become outraged that he had found a way into town. And, stupidly, he had risen to her provocation and made everything even worse.

She was trying to ditch him, anyone could see it! And instead of accepting it, he had stubbornly persisted, endured humiliation at Urbosa’s hands, all for...what, exactly?

Zelda was well-protected without him, so this was entirely a disaster of his own making. Once Urbosa had finished listing off the lashings he had earned for himself, she produced a chain from somewhere and shackled him to the bed, leaving him to fester in his sins and regret.

Before abandoning him, she promised that his punishment would be administered “soon,” which at least gave him something to look forward to.

Did any of his past lives have this problem? Things between him and Zelda were irreparably damaged, that was something he was sure of. If only he had held his tongue, if only he had been more patient, if only he hadn’t risen to her childish insults...

He had deluded himself into thinking that she was willing to set differences aside, fueled by some naive hope that she didn’t really hate him. Maybe he should have just kept on ignoring her, he should have gratefully accepted a month of release from his duty...

Maybe the Calamity would come, and then they would slay it, and then they would never have to see each other again. A tenuous working relationship was the best thing they could have achieved, except now he had ruined any chance of that too.

Urbosa had offered him the chance to walk away, hadn’t she? She had given him many chances to end his involvement, telling him he could leave at any time. The offer felt like it had been made ages ago, even though it had only been two days, or maybe three by now.

He absently rolled his foot around, listening to the chain jingle, as he wondered if the offer still stood. For some reason, he didn’t feel like finding out. He was comfortable where he was. It was where he deserved to be: chained to a bed, wasting away in the stuffy heat, with nothing but his imagination for company as he waited for Urbosa to return and deliver his sentence. And, as company went, he couldn’t have picked a better companion than his own imagination. It was a suitable activity for someone as low as him, tormenting himself with the infinite different ways the conversation could have gone. He could have come clean to Zelda, telling her everything Urbosa had done to him, or he could have feigned interest in her ranting, resulting in them maintaining the same shaky partnership, or he could have complied with her earlier demands, and left before she gave him the chance to lose his temper...

After exhausting hundreds of thousands of alternate scenarios, Link’s mind decided that he deserved a bit more suffering, and started to rewind even further backwards in time, to demonstrate where he would be if he had just shown Zelda a little more kindness from the start, or if Zelda had already awakened her powers years ago, or if Zelda had been able to open the shrines, or if Zelda was the one who was good at cooking and not him, or if Zelda wasn’t such a bitch to him, or if Zelda...

He just couldn’t get Zelda out of his head.

After a few hours, or maybe a few days, Link decidedly started going insane.

The numbness in his ass had long since vanished, replaced with a kind of buzzing uselessness that spread through his whole body. He experimentally pressed his teeth into a bicep, trying to mentally calculate how much blood he could lose before passing away, trying to remember if his blood flow would be affected by whether he was sitting upright or not. To test the idea, Link painfully creaked his body up, and groaned at the empty space where his stomach should have been. The chain around his ankle rattled around in the pitch darkness, and, in his stupor, he wisely considered biting off his foot instead, so he could at least wander around the desert as a free man.

He wouldn’t have the Master Sword, but that was okay. The Calamity could come and destroy Hyrule for all he cared. He had already failed Zelda, so what was one more failure on his watch?

Sitting up had led to the realization that he was even more thirsty than he was hungry. Instead of getting up and looking for water, he decided to go to back to sleep instead, thinking that he could put off the effort for another hour or two.

***

He awoke to Urbosa leaning over him, shaking him by the shoulders.

She was probably here to kill him for his failure. Good. She was exactly like how he imagined death to be: tall, framed in shadow, wearing a grim expression, hands around his neck, asking him where Zelda was...

Link’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. Urbosa shook him a little harder. Delirious and dehydrated, he licked his cracked lips and tried again, managing to wheeze out, “Dunno.”

“Did she say where she was going?”

“Hn?”

“ _The princess has run away!_ ”

Urbosa’s words were like being plunged into icy water. “When!?”

“Less than an hour. _Where did she go_?”

“Shrines!” He blurted, remembering the last time she had ran. Urbosa dropped her hands from his shoulders and rushed out of the room.

“Stay here.” She commanded without looking back.

The sound of her footsteps ran away, leaving Link alone and tangled in his chain, coughing while struggling to sit up.

Stay here. Yeah, like hell. Link rubbed residual tears out of his eyes, then vaulted off the bed, grateful for the dim light shining through the open door. He didn’t think his fingers were nimble enough to light his lantern right now, which was currently sitting on his desk alongside an untouched plate of cold slop and a glass of water. Link grabbed the glass and drained it while testing the range allowed by his shackle.

The tethered end was locked to the side rail of the bed frame, in between two slats, and secured with an oversized padlock. Link hoisted his mattress and rested it against the wall in order to expose the frame. The chain looked thin enough that he could probably stomp through it if he had boots, which he didn’t. Instead, the wooden bed frame itself was the weakest component here. Fueled by adrenaline, Link grabbed his chair by its backrest and raised it over his head, then smashed it down hard into the frame, prioritizing strength over accuracy. The crack of splintering wood reverberated in his tiny dungeon, and Link grimaced when he felt the kickback shock his palms. One of the legs of the chair had snapped off, so Link took a step closer before swinging again, aiming to hit with the seat this time. This time, he was left holding only the backrest, the rest of the flimsy chair having broken away. A small crack in the frame was all the damage he had caused. Link cursed loudly and threw away the fragments of the chair to a corner, then hopped up onto the bed frame himself.

He stomped and jumped around, breaking as many wooden slats as possible, ignoring the jagged splinters stabbing his bare feet. It occurred to him that maybe he should have kicked a hole in the middle _before_ he tried to smash his way out with the chair, but it was too late for that now. Link stepped out of the frame and caught his breath before lifting the entire thing up against the wall, parallel to the mattress. The whole thing was now standing vertically, with the damaged portion at the top. Link wrapped his hands around the cracked area and hung in the hole he had made, lifting his feet up as well so they wouldn’t touch the ground. The outside frame of his bed was many times thicker than the slats, but wasn’t designed to hold his whole weight. He hung like a sloth, feeling ridiculous, and rocked his body up and down to add more stress.

A heavy cracking noise rang out, and Link braced himself as the rectangular structure of the bed collapsed inward, dropping him unceremoniously on the ground. He scrambled to his feet, finally free, and rushed to the bathing room, only slowing down to kick at the door to the club. Predictably, it was locked, so he was going to have to go through the front. The adrenaline that had been pumping through his veins was wearing off as he started climbing up to the window, leaving him acutely aware of his pounding headache, empty stomach and throbbing feet.

His arms burned as he struggled up the wall. It was halfway to the top before he realized he was still naked, save for the padlock and chain hanging from his ankle, but that seemed inconsequential as he threw himself out the window and landed off-balance on the dusty stone street below.

It was strange to think how only yesterday, he had been so mortified to walk the streets, and now he couldn’t bring himself to care about being naked in the exact same place. Already, passersby were stopping to gawk at him, and someone was screaming loudly for the guards. Link ran to the entrance of the clubroom, dragging the chain behind him, and banged on the door, hoping to make it inside before someone came and arrested him.

“Password?”

“GSC♢!” He yelled, praying they hadn’t changed the password since his night out. As soon as the door opened a crack, Link shoved it all the way in, knocking over whoever was on the other side. He ran in, sizing up his armors. The bright blue of the champion’s tunic caught his eye, so he grabbed it off the table on a whim and hastily pulled it over his head. His bare feet were marred with cuts and bruises, and, annoyingly, he was still shackled. He glanced at the employee on duty, who was stunned, staring at him wide-eyed, still clutching her key ring while sitting dumbstruck on the floor.

“Unlock this for me!” Link demanded urgently. The poor girl decided it was best not to argue with the crazed, naked, sword-brandishing intruder. Once free, he took a second to thumb over the raw skin where the shackle had bit into him, then threw on his undershorts, trousers and boots in record time. He slung the Master Sword’s scabbard over his shoulder as he ran out the door and up the stairs.

No guards had arrived yet when he reemerged into the street. It was likely they were all busy searching for Zelda. Link sprinted down the main marketplace, trying to keep calm.

When Urbosa shook him awake, she had a hint of panic in her voice. Urbosa, who was perpetually composed, even when forcing him to do depraved things - she was _afraid_. At the very least, she was worried enough to deploy every available guard, and desperate enough to ask _him_ for help. If she of all people was afraid, then Link had very good reason to be as well.

If Zelda was upset by their argument, just like he was, then she might have acted on impulse, just like he had, and set off into the desert without adequate preparation, just like he was about to do.

There were innumerable ways to get killed out there, including dehydration, heatstroke, getting lost, getting caught in a sandstorm, attacked by wild animals, routed by monsters, cut down by bandits...As Link went down the list, his brain unhelpfully supplied a mental image of Zelda’s corpse, strewn irreverently across the sand, for each respective cause of death. It was difficult not to panic any harder than he already was.

He tried to suppress the complaints of his aching stomach as he sprinted out the main gate and tore through the tent city where he had lived for a day, racing to the Sand Seal rental stall. His heart was bursting, and a feeling of airiness permeated his brain, making it hard to focus.

They had done this song and dance once before. After returning from Goron City, Zelda had given him a long speech about the perils of obsequiousness, then departed in the middle of the night. Link rode across Hyrule desperately, forsaking his silence to ask every passing traveler if they had seen a blonde girl, about his height, with a haughty attitude. Two sleepless days later, he was able to track her to a shrine they had passed a long time ago, situated in some ancient ruins. It was practically halfway to Rito Village. He could never forget what happened next.

That was when she had screamed in his face for him to stop following her. That was the exact moment he decided that arguing back wasn’t worth the effort.

If he could do that over again, he would have. He would have calmed her, sympathized with her, he would have done _anything_ to prevent their relationship from degenerating to the point where she ran away again.

As he sprinted, the worst feeling in the world coursed through his veins. Zelda was about to die, and it was _all his fault_.

***

Seconds.

The Princess of Hyrule had been mere seconds away from death. The Princess of Hyrule had nearly been assassinated on his watch. That was a fact. His potential failure was so grave that Link was still shaking, even though it had been more than half an hour since he’d saved her.

The first Yiga had been mortally wounded. The other two hesitated, knowing that they were outgunned, but unwilling to leave their prime target. That hesitation had cost one his life. The third one had fought well, not with the intent to kill, but to save himself from Link’s unstoppable fury.

That one was still alive, barely, delivered into the custody of the Gerudo soldiers who had arrived just minutes after Link did. The contingent of soldiers moved with scary efficiency, frisking the two bodies, binding the surviving Yiga’s hands to prevent him from using teleportation magic, while two attended to Zelda, wanting to sit her down on some sort of draggable stretcher.

“I’m fine. Nothing happened. Really, I’m fine! Nothing happened...”

She pointedly avoided eye contact with anyone, instead choosing to slump her shoulders and direct her words at her feet. Link was standing stiffly over her the whole time, still clutching his sword, refusing to believe that the danger was over. No one noticed how he maintained his death grip on the hilt until Urbosa herself rolled up on a Sand Seal and started barking out orders.

Her very presence seemed to organize the chaos of the scene, with soldiers dispersing efficiently. The two medics finally relented, allowing Zelda to ride behind her own seal on the way back. Only Link and Urbosa remained. She had pushed them into a private room in the back of Kara Kara Inn, where the adrenaline drained from his blood, and he used the last of his strength to kick his boots off before collapsing onto the floor. Now that Zelda was safe, Link finally allowed the exhaustion to catch up to him. His scabbard poked uncomfortably into his flank, but he didn’t have the energy to adjust it.

Urbosa frowned as he lay hyperventilating and shaking pitifully on the ground. It took all his remaining strength to roll onto his back and sit up, vaguely wondering how he wasn’t dead, much less how he was able to fight off three trained assassins. He had slept for maybe an hour over the past two days, and he hadn’t eaten in all that time, save for a single bite of cake and a glass of water. The soles of his feet were cut and bruised from smashing his furniture and sprinting across rough stone, and he was nursing a cramp on his right side.

Still, Zelda wasn’t dead either. That was all that mattered. That was all that mattered. That was all that mattered...

“How did you know where she was going?”

“How did you not?” Link suddenly shouted, and then stopped to catch his breath from the effort of yelling. Urbosa had assured him she was protected, so he considered himself at fault for trusting her words.

And besides, the answer was obvious. Even at her most impulsive, Zelda wouldn’t have blindly strayed into the desert. She would have targeted a shrine in familiar territory, and the nearest one, besides the one just outside town, was the one uphill from Gerudo Canyon Stable.

When Link had reached the midway point at Kara Kara, his heart nearly stopped when he spotted the princess cowering on the ground, defenseless, surrounded by the faceless crimson of the Yiga clan. He forced the image away from his mind. That was in the past. She was safe now.

She _had_ to be.

Urbosa took in his mangled, dirty appearance, and Link furiously stared back. She had a troubled, guilty look on her face. _Good_ , Link thought spitefully.

“What’s good?” Urbosa asked.

Link blinked, taken aback. Had he said that out loud? Nevertheless, he forced out an answer through choppy breaths, “You...protect Zelda. _Mistress_.” The last word was dripping with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

He stood up to punctuate his point, and winced in regret. Standing up hurt. The bottoms of his feet hurt. His lungs hurt. _Everything_ hurt. He tried limping forward, and Urbosa practically had to drag him into a bed before he collapsed again. Every cell in his body was begging him to succumb to the warmth of the bed, so he slapped his face in a futile attempt to keep awake. Urbosa’s voice echoed in the darkness, telling him they would talk the next morning. He distinctly remembered that the last time she said something like that to him, he had gotten fucked the next day.

It wasn’t a good thought to fall asleep to.

***

The sun was already setting by the time he woke up. The innkeeper informed him over his cold dinner that Urbosa had paid for two days’ worth of rest and meals, and Link huffed through his nose as he shoveled a tasteless bite of meat into his face.

He didn’t need two days of rest. In fact, he barely even needed one. As he stepped outside, his head automatically swiveled in search of his Sand Seal, before he remembered it must have left hours ago. With no money on him, he couldn’t rent one, either. Gritting his teeth, he started on the long walk back to Gerudo Town.

The heat wasn’t so bad after sunset. The glowing amber light of Gerudo Town shone in the distance, and Link fixated on it as a beacon as he stumbled across the desert. Vah Naboris loomed off in the desert, a silent, sleeping reminder of his destiny. Zelda’s destiny. _Their_ destiny.

Despite his bravado, he knew how run-down he had been. The fact he had survived a Sand Seal trip of this distance in his condition was nothing short of incredible, because even on his full stomach, the journey tired him more than he expected. His feet were still painfully sore. By the time he reached the outskirts, night had fallen proper and he was panting in the chilly air. Vah Naboris could no longer be seen, swallowed up by the darkness.

There was only one person in the whole tent city could understand his predicament. Unfortunately, it was evening, which meant peak business hours for the large red tent. Some sketchy characters, both men and women, were lined up outside. A few shot him cagey glances as he drew near and cut straight to the front of the line. A group of young Gerudo giggled at him as he stepped into the lobby. Link reached the counter before realizing that he had forgotten to think of what to say, so he improvised something direct and to the point. “Is Telma here?”

“You here for a job interview?” The woman behind the counter teased, and started laughing at her own joke. Link didn’t think it was very funny. “Heh...okay, wait here.”

She turned and disappeared behind a curtain, leaving Link standing alone at the counter. Stupidly, he looked around, prompting the flock of Gerudo to giggle at him again. It made him wonder - did young Gerudo hold debauched stag parties before getting married, like some knights did back home? They all looked just a few years older than him, although most were nearly twice his height, being Gerudo and all.

There was a vacant chair next to them, but Link remained standing. He wasn’t going to subject himself to that, no matter how much his feet hurt.

After a short while, Telma came rushing through the curtain and, without slowing down, smothered Link in a crushing hug. “Oh Link, I heard what happened! Are you all right, honey!?”

“I’m fine.” Link lied as he pushed away from her. “Telma, I’ve got to get back into town. Do you have vai clothing?”

“Hmm...” Telma grabbed him by the wrist and started leading him through the winding maze of curtains. “What, did the chief not let you back in?”

“Not for another two days.”

“Okay, then.” She let him into a tiny dressing room, and looked around thoughtfully. “The ladies leave their clothes in here sometimes, but I don’t think we have anything your size. Well, except...” She chewed her cheek as she trailed off.

“What?” Link asked.

“There’s these,” Telma reached over and plucked something out of a pile. “But they’re custom. You got 600 rupees?”

“No.” Link said, privately appalled. 600 rupees was highway robbery. That amount could feed a family in Castle Town for a month, and, although he couldn’t claim to be an expert on clothing, it looked exactly like his previous vai outfit, only dyed white instead of blue. He couldn’t fathom anyone spending such a ridiculous amount on a single set of clothing, no matter how high the quality. “Can’t you just go into town and find some clothes for me?”

“Sorry, honey, I’m on duty tonight.” She proffered a wink that was supposed to be endearing, but just irritated Link further. What was her job, anyway?

“What is your job, anyway?”

“I’m the manager.” She answered sweetly, which didn’t really answer the question at all. She held the white vai clothing out to him, and Link reluctantly took it and stood still for a few seconds, waiting for Telma to give him some privacy. When it became clear she wasn’t going to, he remembered he didn’t care and started to change. At least this room had a mirror in it, so he could actually see what he was doing for once.

“I’ll pay you back later.” He said, fully intending to.

Telma just chuckled at his sincerity before reaching out to fix his sleeves. She gave him another wink as he left the room. “Go get that princess, honey.”

Link almost retorted before remembering to bite his tongue. He had nothing to prove. Let everyone make all the comments they wanted. The gaggle of Gerudo bachelorettes was still waiting in the lobby as he exited, and they hooted at his new outfit as he passed them by. One of them wolf-whistled at him obnoxiously, causing the others to break into fits of laughter. Link ignored them, but as he made his way to the main gate of town, his mind called up an uncomfortable memory.

Years ago, he was off-duty with his fellow soldiers, who had partaken in the incredibly typical pastime of getting shitfaced. Link, who was not only the youngest soldier in Hyrule but possibly the youngest soldier in all of history, was given far too much alcohol for a first-timer. He had sat there all night, too queasy to do anything but listen as his comrades made vulgar calls at any passable woman who got within shouting distance.

So, that’s how it felt to be on the receiving end of one of those.

Link pushed those shameful thoughts out of his head to focus on the task at hand. Urbosa had seen through his disguise, but that was because she was expecting him to break out. None of the other soldiers had, at least not to his knowledge. Still, it was a tense moment as he approached the main gate, but neither of the guards moved to stop him.

Link breathed easy and kept his head up as he re-entered Gerudo Town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. So, Link is a fucking disaster, basically. It's all but outright stated in game that he has severe inadequacy issues, and he tends to blame himself for everything. Sorry if this seems like vent writing.  
> 2\. Heed the chapter title...this chapter is kind of filler  
> 3\. Memory 7 takes place during this chapter.  
> 4\. The poor girls at the GSC don't get paid enough to deal with Link's shit.
> 
>  
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	8. Urbosa's Fury

Link mulled over what say to Urbosa as he made his way through the streets of Gerudo Town. The culpability was still mostly his, but she wasn’t faultless in this whole debacle, having lied to both him and Zelda, but he couldn’t just walk in and start blaming her. She still held all the power here.

His vai disguise carried him all the way to the throne room of the palace, where Urbosa wasn’t sitting. Well, fine. If he had to look for her, he would do that too. It was his first time in the palace where he could actually afford to take the time to look around. The throne room was filled with beautifully sculpted statues of classical warriors and heroines, and the walls were engraved with ancient calligraphy that Link couldn’t read. The never-ending flow of water was present here too, adding to the ambience of the room as it flowed through grooves in the floor. The room itself could be considered a work of art, with decorated arches holding up the ceiling, built in such a way that even Link, who knew next to nothing about architecture, was impressed by the layout.

After peeking around for a while, he found her in a side hall, deep in conversation with a fully-armored general. When she spotted him, she waved and actually shuffled over to make room before continuing the discussion.

“This is the one I was talking about, the champion, with the sword that seals the darkness.” She looked down, indicating the sword strapped to his back, as she introduced him to her companion. “Link, meet Rima, Captain of the Guard.”

Link nodded, unsure of whether Rima expected a handshake or a salute or something. He had yet to learn the specifics of Gerudo military uniform, but she was so highly decorated that it was clear he needed to show respect. Rima carried herself in the dignified way that he had come to recognize in so many of his own instructors, although none of them had been women. Except Impa, whose body language was too graceful to read anyway.

Fortunately, Rima seemed to excuse his rudeness. She nodded back at him, and gave him a meaningful look that said she wasn’t fooled by his disguise. “Sav’saaba.”

“You can brief everyone tomorrow, so we’re done for tonight, captain.” Urbosa said to Rima. “And I think our champion wants a word with me. Sav’orr.”

Rima gave a low nod that was more like a bow. “Understood, chief. Sav’orr.”

Link watched her disappear around a corner. If he had to guess, it was likely that the barracks were adjoined to the palace. Good. As long as Zelda stayed in the palace, she would always be next door to cadre of soldiers, which would be more than enough to deter any Yiga.

It was Urbosa who spoke first. “Why aren’t you at Kara Kara?”

“Because that’s not where Zelda is, mistress.” He replied, not even bothering to change his voice.

Urbosa had enough pity to tell him what he wanted to hear. “She’s safe, so quit worrying.”

Zelda was safe. He must have already known it, but Urbosa’s assurance triggered something fresh inside his brain. It was like he refused to truly believe it until he heard someone else confirm it. Link let out a breath of relief that he hadn’t realized he had been holding all day, and an unexpected rush of emotion ran through him. Zelda was safe. He hadn’t killed her. Suddenly, he felt tears about to well up.

He suppressed them, just as he always did.

The only outward sign he showed was blinking rapidly for a few seconds as Urbosa said, “I doubt she’ll try running again. She’s recuperating in her room under heavily armed guard. If you came to see her, though, then tough, because no one except me goes in or out.”

“Good.” Link said.

His response actually caught her off guard. Apparently, she had been expecting him to protest. Urbosa looked at him, unsure of whether or not he was being sarcastic. “That includes you.”

“I know.” Link replied, not backing down.

“You don’t wish to confirm her safety yourself?”

“Nah. I trust your judgement, mistress.” He said it in a cheerful way that made it clear he didn’t.

Urbosa glared at him again, trying to gauge if he was serious. “You don’t even _want_ to see her?”

Link maintained his inappropriately positive tone as he answered, “Well, she said she wants nothing to do with me. You were there. I’m only respecting her wishes, mistress.”

Urbosa stared at him with open exasperation. “Why the hell are you here then?”

“Even if she hates me, I’m not going to stop protecting her.” Link asserted. It was something he had known all along, but it wasn’t until this moment that he formalized it into words and realized it fully. Back on Vah Naboris, Urbosa had told him to protect her with his life. He would still gladly do that. However, that didn’t entail having to _talk_ to her. That was something he could accept, too. “I was planning on sleeping in the hall outside her room, mistress.” He added.

Now it looked like Urbosa was trying very hard not to throttle him. “You don’t even want to talk to her?”

“Nope.” He replied, as cheekily as he could get away with.

She threw her hands up and turned away from him in frustration. “I don’t believe it. You two dumbasses are going to kill each other long before the Calamity gets the chance. I’ve put you face to face twice now, and you couldn’t even stand each other. Do you want to know why she ran away?”

“Yeah, I know. Because I said-”

Without warning, Urbosa spun back around and punched him in the face, cutting off the blame he was about to place on himself. He stumbled back, shocked, clutching his cheek through his veil. Urbosa bent down to his level so she could grab a handful of his hair, and snarled into his ear, “Because she’s as stubborn as you are! Yesterday evening, after you left, we had an argument. She refused to listen to reason. I didn’t realize how much she hated you - I had no idea it was _this bad_!”

“I...I didn’t...” Link’s voice trailed off as he realized exactly what Urbosa was getting at. All of his snark suddenly vanished. It was like she had literally knocked some sense into him. “Then what happened?”

“What do you think? She told me where I could shove it, and then cried herself to sleep. This morning, she was gone. You know what happened next.” Urbosa released his hair and took a deep breath. “You saved her _life_ , you pigheaded fool. This could be your one chance to prove yourself, except now, you’re telling me you don’t even _want_ to see her. Unbelievable. The last thing I need right now is for _both of you_ to start acting like insolent children! If you don’t talk to her now, when will you ever?”

It was a non-rhetorical question, so, thinking out loud, he reflected on his past meetings with Zelda. “Every time I do, I make things worse...”

Urbosa must have misinterpreted the meaning of his words, because she punched him in the face again, and he nearly swore as he was sent reeling a second time.

He spat out loose breaths, trying to air out the pain in his cheek, before looking back up at her angrily and spluttering, “Can you stop hitting me? I didn’t mean it like that. I meant I’ll talk to her later. Not _now_. I’ll talk to her later, after she’s recovered.”

“You better.” Urbosa threatened him. “You two are going to meet tomorrow, whether you like it or not. This is _your_ problem too, Link. _Fix it_. If you and the princess can’t get along, I may just have to kill you myself, because we’ll all be doomed anyway.”

“Well, I just mean...” Link didn’t miss how Urbosa preemptively formed a fist as he started his next sentence, “...I can’t just approach her. I should wait for _her_ to talk to _me_. She has to be the one to start it, because I don’t know what she’s thinking. I can never tell what she’s thinking! And besides, how do I know you’re not just lying to me again?”

Urbosa shot him the second-dirtiest look he had ever seen in his life.

Link quickly explained before she could punch him again, “I just...think that you already lied to both of us. And you...” He blushed as he tried to find the right word, “... _undermined_ our last meeting. Maybe if you had just told Zelda the truth from the start, she wouldn’t have run away.”

Urbosa looked at him deadpan. “What do you mean by ‘undermined’?”

“I mean, I couldn’t... _focus_...” Link muttered, flustered.

“No, what do you _mean_ , exactly?” Urbosa inquired. After a beat, she clarified, “I want to hear you say it.”

“...You...dressed her up in that... and you...made me orgasm...” He answered in barely more than a whimper, and instinctively flinched at his own word choice. If that was his attempt at shifting the blame to Urbosa, it must have been the weakest accusation ever made in the history of man. His argument couldn’t find its way past his own awkwardness. And even disregarding that, both of them knew that if Urbosa had left him untouched, he probably would have still found some other way to screw up.

Urbosa might have been the reason she ran, but that didn’t excuse the fact he had been the one to directly insult her. The blame for placing Zelda in danger still rested solely on his shoulders.

Goddesses, how he hated talking.

Despite herself, Urbosa was almost smirking now. “Fine, then. You have my word, that, when you meet with Princess Zelda tomorrow, I will not “make you orgasm.” You can have your full mental faculties, deficient as they may be. I just pray that you’ll have actually learned something from the last two times.”

Link’s face was still burning, but he fought through it to agree, “Okay, then. Tomorrow it is. I’ll try to make amends with her.”

“Excellent. I’m glad we had this talk.” Urbosa replied, throwing his earlier sarcasm back in his face. She wasn’t even insulted. If anything, she was amused by his incompetence. “Now, there are still some other matters to attend to. C’mon. I want to show you something. Try to keep up.” She started pacing briskly through the palace, and Link had to jog to match her long strides.

The mentioning of other matters reminded him of the other thing he wanted to talk about. Tentatively, he asked, “Hey, wasn’t I supposed to get, like...whipped or something?”

Urbosa didn’t even slow down or look at him, but she waved a hand dismissively as she said, “In light of your activities this morning while you were saving the princess, your punishments have been commuted.”

Okay. At least he didn’t have that hanging over his head anymore. Urbosa afforded him a sideways glance when she noticed his lack of reaction. “Don’t tell me you’re disappointed?”

“I’m not. Mistress.” He stammered out.

“You can stop calling me that, too.”

“...Okay. Alright. If you insist.”

Urbosa blinked, then changed the subject. “How much do you know about the Yiga clan?”

“Bastards.” Link replied automatically, as he tried to remember the briefings. “Umm, they’re trying to bring back the Calamity because they hate the king. They can teleport, and do other kinds of magic, and other Sheikah techniques.”

Urbosa nodded. “That’s about right. The Yiga clan is nothing more than a doomsday cult, but they’ve been lucky, if nothing else. They started appearing in greater numbers a few years back, and the prevailing theory is that they infiltrated Sheikah research groups and stole the results for themselves, while sabotaging work in the process. Their teleportation is based on ancient technology which they don’t even fully understand.”

Link raised an eyebrow. This was the first he was hearing of this. Was that why the king had cut funding to Sheikah research? Did Zelda know about this?

Urbosa continued, “They can escape capture and not much else, but even a minor threat is still a threat. They proved that this morning.” She graciously slowed her pace so that Link could catch up, and started talking to him directly. “They’re...fatalistic. They think that Calamity Ganon is unstoppable, and so herald his return. They believe that, should you fail, the Calamity will spare them for their loyalty.” She huffed and muttered under her breath, “What an idiotic notion...”

Link stared at his feet, guilty. The public perception of the champions wasn’t as great as it could be - led by the Mute Hero and the Failure Princess. He never cared what anyone thought of him, but apparently, enough people doubted them to embolden the ranks of the Yiga clan, and so he groaned, hating himself again.

If only he and the princess could get along, or at least _pretend_ to get along, while in public. They could have inspired the populace, and dispelled the idea of failure, then maybe the attacks never would have happened in the first place.

Another failure on his part.

By now, they were deep within the recesses of the palace. The smell of something burning hit him as he followed Urbosa through a low arch. Something from the kitchens, maybe? Urbosa fanned her hand in front of her face before speaking. “The Yiga grow ever bolder. When the princess was here a year ago, they made an attempt on her life. I had hoped we killed enough of them in retaliation, but, clearly, the message did not stick. Three of them? In broad daylight? We can safely assume that as long as they are active, they will _never_ cease targeting Zelda. Or you.” She added as an afterthought.

Link gagged as they reached their destination and the burning smell became unbearable. Urbosa pinched her nose before kicking open a door, revealing a smoky, circular dungeon with a charred corpse tied to a post in the middle.

Link gazed upon it, then turned away before he could throw up. There was a good reason why the gift of lightning was poetically referred to as “Urbosa’s Fury”. The body was blackened, and the chunks of skin that remained were barely recognizable as flesh, being underlaid with veins that had burned so hot they left fried scars on the surface. Link could only identify it as the third Yiga soldier based on the way his limbs had been mangled. Each arm was bent unnaturally in at least three places, even though simply tying his arms up would have been enough to prevent him from teleporting.

Urbosa must have broken him for fun before electrocuting him.

Link staggered away from the door, still retching. He never, ever, _ever_ wanted to get on Urbosa’s bad side. Mercifully, she slammed the door shut, but Link kept choking on the acrid dungeon air. The smell seemed to barely affect her at all.

After giving him a few moments to collect himself, she gleefully explained, “Today was a _very_ good day. Before today, we’ve only ever captured scouts and grunts. None of them knew where the hideout was - just peons following orders from other peons. But today, they sent their best...” She snickered to herself. “...and their best wasn’t good enough! That one in there, he _squealed_. We know where their hideout is now - in a corner of the desert so remote, it can only be reached by teleportation. Trying to reach it by foot, or even by seal, would result in certain death.”

Link wiped the back of his hand over his mouth before looking up at her. For someone about to embark on a suicide mission, Urbosa sounded awfully enthusiastic.

She offered him a maniacal grin as she continued, “Luckily, we have some ancient Sheikah technology of our own. Naboris can get us there. We leave tomorrow night, so go and prepare anything you need to prepare. Those traitors...their campaign of terror will come to an end.”

Link wiped his hand across his mouth again and slurred, “I’m not going.”

Urbosa’s smile instantly dropped. “What?”

“I’m not going. I can’t leave Zelda alone again.” Link explained, making sure he was speaking clearly this time.

“Oh.” Urbosa suddenly seemed relieved. “Is that it? Well, you needn’t worry, because she’s coming with us.”

Now it was Link’s turn to exclaim in disbelief. “What!?”

“Where better a place to keep an eye on her?”

“...Are you insane? You can’t take her!” Link protested desperately.

“Why, of course I can!” Urbosa affirmed. “Vah Naboris is a tool of war. Zelda won’t turn down the chance to see a Divine Beast in action firsthand. Her research-”

“NO!” Link shouted, unable to believe she was pulling this on him.

“Well, why not?” Urbosa asked, like the answer wasn’t obvious.

Link spluttered, then began to list off reasons in no particular order. “We can’t bring her. Their hideout is going to be full of traps. Do we even know anything about the enemy? Did you send scouts? There could be hundreds of Yiga there. Naboris isn’t safe. Well, it’s safe from the ground, but that doesn’t mean anything to an enemy that can _teleport_! And the Yiga only do unconventional warfare! A squad of soldiers won’t know-”

“Link.” Urbosa interrupted, “Naboris _is_ unconventional warfare. Zelda will be surrounded by our best soldiers while battened down in the middle of a walking fortress. You’ll be there. I’ll be there. It will be far safer than the palace, or anywhere else in Hyrule, for that matter.”

Link made some angry, inarticulate noise, unable to speak, unable to believe Urbosa was forcing him to do this. The idea of deliberately taking the princess to a battle was _unthinkable_. But Urbosa was serious; seriously willing to bring Zelda into an active war zone if that was what it took to motivate him. With or without him, she would still take her best troops, consequently leaving the city less guarded.

Taking Zelda along for the ride really was the safest option, no matter how absurd it seemed. Urbosa didn’t react to his griping. She probably hated having to do this as well, but had really convinced herself it was the best course of action. Deep down, Link knew it was too, but still hated it on some irrationally protective principle.

He clenched his teeth and hissed, “She’s still recovering. This is the _last_ thing she needs right now.”

Surprisingly, or perhaps unsurprisingly, Urbosa punched him in the face again, too fast to possibly dodge. At least he was ready for it this time. Not that that made it hurt any less.

As he steadied himself against the wall, Urbosa derided him, “Since when were you an expert on the princess’s needs? She would like nothing better than to throw herself back into her work. A research trip like this would be therapeutic, and yet you would elect to keep her locked up in her room?”

Urbosa walked away without waiting for an answer, and Link followed her, thankful that at least he could get away from the rotten smell of the dungeon.

They walked slowly throughout the palace. Urbosa continued to justify her decision, although it sounded like maybe she was trying to convince herself instead of Link. “Ultimately, the decision will be hers. But I have no doubt that she will jump at the opportunity. Out there, she finally has the chance to express her true self. Her father keeps her as if in a cage, due to some blind notion of duty. I refuse to do the same. What about you, hero? Would you keep her confined, under the pretense of her own safety?”

Link said nothing.

The sickening smell of burning flesh had faded away, but he knew it would be a while before he could forget something like that.

When they returned to the throne room, Urbosa shooed him away. “Go, then. Get out of here. Meet us at Naboris tomorrow night.”

“I thought we were going back to my quarters.” Link said, confused. Urbosa perked up like she just remembered something important.

“Link, you were technically freed this morning when you left the city. You can’t live here anymore.” Her tone attracted the attention of a guard posted at the door, who started glowering at Link with hostility. Link took a step back, speechless. Was he seriously getting kicked out for saving Zelda’s life?

He found his voice, finally. “What, really?” With the guard’s eyes on him, he was suddenly conspicuous of how _male_ he sounded.

Any compassion that Urbosa had shared with him over their mutual worries had vanished. Once again, she was eyeing him with nothing but irritation. “Yes, _really_. Why do you think we commuted your punishments?”

“I only left town to save her life!” Link cried.

“Yes, you did the bare minimum required by your job. That’s not worth a pardon. Now get out.”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

Urbosa clenched her hands into fists, and Link probably imagined it, but he could have sworn he heard a faint crackle of electricity. “Our sacred laws are not a _joke_. As a matter of fact, your very presence here is already pushing it. Get out before I throw you out.”

“...Can I go get my tent and stuff?” He asked. Urbosa’s sharp glare was all the answer he needed. Remembering his intent to never get on her bad side, he retreated down the steps before she could start punching him again.

So, he was unbound, but Urbosa had basically stolen everything he owned. In retrospect, he probably should have expected her to pull something like this. He had nothing - no money, no tent, nothing but the sword strapped to his back and a change of clothes stashed in the back of a brothel. He had nowhere to sleep, nothing to eat, and it was too dark and chilly to try walking back to Kara Kara. So now, he was stuck here, too.

Link paced back and forth across the sand, wondering how the hell he had ended up in this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Urbosa has one line that goes "out of respect for the princess, you may keep your lives!" I took that to mean that, as soon as Zelda left, she fucking went ham on the Yiga clan. Don't fuck with her. Seriously.  
> 2\. Rima is a real character in the game, too! She talks about how she used to be the captain of the guard. You can visit her.
> 
>  
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


	9. Dirty Laundry

He ended up returning to the brothel, if only because he needed to pick up his clothes. The seedy, unfamiliar halls of the tent smelled like smoke and it was making his head hurt as he dug around the tiny dressing room. He removed his sword and stacked it in a neat pile with his trousers and boots, but he couldn’t find his champion’s tunic.

“Looking for something?” Telma’s voice asked from behind him.

“Yeah.” Link replied without turning around. He tossed a frilly dress off to the side, trying to uncover any glimpses of the bright blue. It had to be in here somewhere. “Do you know where my tunic is?”

“Yes, I _do_.” She sang in a playful voice, prompting Link to stop digging and whirl around. Telma was gazing at him in a _way_ , and an innate sense of dread suddenly washed over him.

Slowly, he asked, “Where is it?”

“You got 600 rupees?”

“Not yet.” Link admitted.

For some reason, she smiled at this. “Did the chief kick you out?”

Link nodded, and Telma said, “That’s too bad, honey, but you still owe me. And the way I see it, I get to take your clothes when you’re wearing mine!”

Link’s eyes widened.

“...Where is my tunic?” He was too stunned to ask anything else.

“Where is my 600 rupees?” Telma sassed back. When he shook his head, nervous, Telma smiled at him again. “That’s fine, honey. You can just work off what you owe.”

She said it like it was the most nonchalant thing in the world, and Link’s face burned bright red.

Did she actually think that he - no. Link stopped his thoughts right there.

Trying not to look desperate, he straightened up and stammered, “I’m not - I’ll pay you back later, _please_.”

“You can pay me back now.” Telma replied. “So take that off and follow me.”

She stepped out, leaving him frozen. He considered all the surfaces in the dressing room and wondered if any of them were sturdy enough to start bashing his head against. Telma reappeared and looked at him, concerned. “What’s the matter?”

Link forced his words out slowly and diplomatically. “I can’t _work_ here.”

“Yes you can!” Telma said flippantly. “Consider it practice!”

Link felt his face get even redder. Practice for _what_?

Telma, noticing his reluctance, pursed her lips and asked, “Are you saving yourself for someone?”

It was a simple question with a simple answer, but for some reason he hesitated.

“Then, lets go. You need your tunic back, don’t you?”

Of course he needed it back. It was his uniform, inexorably tied to his destiny, and handcrafted by Princess Zelda herself. Not that _that_ was why he valued it...

He needed the champion’s tunic for his role as Zelda’s appointed knight. Not only that, but he also didn’t have access to any of his other outfits at the moment. If he were to go on the excursion tomorrow, he would _absolutely_ need it back, except now, Telma had gone and hid it somewhere. In all likelihood, it was probably buried under the sand in a spot that only she knew. He could search for days and never find it.

There was really only one way to get it back.

Link removed his vai clothing, feeling irrational hatred for the overpriced pieces of garbage, and pulled on his undershorts, then his trousers and boots. He brought the sword along with him for no real reason, clutching it like a lifeline. Reluctantly, he stepped into the hall and allowed Telma to push him through a flap into another murky room, containing only a bed and a few lanterns. It was tiny, just like every other room in the tent. Link took a seat on the bed, not even listening to Telma swoon over his bare chest.

He absently wondered if it was too late to go back home. Why was he even doing this? He didn’t need the tunic to go tomorrow. He didn’t even need to go. Zelda didn’t want him. It didn’t matter that he had saved her life, she had still disavowed him.

She was safe with Urbosa, right? Urbosa wouldn’t let any harm befall her, would she? Never mind the fact that they were traveling to the Yiga clan hideout in less than a day...

Just this morning, he had cursed himself out for being so blindly willing to endure anything for Zelda’s sake. Now, it wasn’t even a day later, but he was going to do the exact same thing...just to get his stupid tunic back?

With this in mind, Link struck a deal with himself.

If he didn’t want to protect Zelda anymore, he could get up, leave, and walk back to Kara Kara. He was cold and hungry and shirtless, but the trip was probably survivable. Then, he could stay there for the rest of the month, worry-free, because Urbosa was _clearly_ capable of protecting her. Right.

No one was stopping him. The door was right there. There was a room and a meal waiting for him at the inn.

But he held one singular thought in his mind that overpowered all others. Zelda would be aboard Vah Naboris tomorrow. And he wouldn’t be. Urbosa had sworn it was safe, but could he really take that risk?

He knew for sure that if something happened to Zelda, and he wasn’t there, he would never be able to forgive himself.

Of course, there were plenty of others who would never forgive him either, least of all Urbosa. She had all but ordered him to be there, tempting him with yet another chance to reconcile with the princess. And, despite everything that had happened, Link still desperately wanted that chance. Urbosa had told him things were different now, after he had saved her life.

Maybe that was what Zelda had needed. She might be willing to tolerate him now, or - Link allowed himself to hope - maybe even start talking to him again. Urbosa had even promised not to interfere this time. If he skipped this opportunity, he might not get another one until the end of the month.

He _had_ to get his tunic back, and he _had_ to be on Naboris tomorrow. There was simply no other way.

Part of him wanted to leave, to spare himself from whatever “work” Telma had lined up for him. That part of his brain was still screaming at him to run away. Instead, he sat unmoving until he realized she was asking him something.

“What?”

“I said, you ever eat pussy before?”

Link spluttered back to reality, shocked that she would use that kind of language. Despite her occupation, Telma had seemed so...sophisticated. Another great reminder of how little he knew.

She seemed to interpret his reaction as a negative, because she started giving him advice which he really didn’t want to hear. “Start slow and build up. Kiss her _a lot_. Everyone’s different, so talk to her! Ask her what feels good! You’ll do fine!” As Telma walked out, she added, “Keep the pants on at first. It gives them something to rip off. But lose the boots!”

Link was left alone before he could formalize his protests into words.

How was he supposed to explain that he wasn’t so vocal? He _could_ be vocal, but with someone he could trust, not with someone he had just met! He couldn’t just jump into bed with a stranger and ask her what she liked midway! It just...didn’t seem right.

He made no move to lose the boots. Link instead slouched his head down, elbows on his knees, and groaned while rubbing his face in his hands. Was he seriously getting _performance anxiety_? All he wanted was to get his tunic back. It didn’t matter how he performed. In fact, he had half a mind to deliberately do badly, just out of spite.

But then again, Telma had informed him he was paying off what he owed. Too many dissatisfied customers, and maybe she would add on to his debt... Speaking of which, how much did he owe, anyway? He had seen the price list once, but couldn’t remember what was written on it, nor did he have any frame of reference for how much these things were supposed to cost. How many clients did he need to service before he reached 600 rupees? Five? Ten? Twenty? Panic flooded his body. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this worried. Even when Zelda ran away, he hadn’t been so nervous. He stared down at the sword in his hand, then shoved it under the bed, out of sight, lest he was tempted to run himself through with it.

This was a different feeling entirely. Degrading himself tonight would be a choice made of his own free will, and knowing that made him feel even worse somehow.

He was completely alone, so he could easily escape. Just get up and walk away, back to Kara Kara.

Zelda didn’t need him. He didn’t need his tunic back. He wasn’t chained to the bed this time.

The door was _right there_.

He stayed rooted to his spot on the bed until someone entered through the curtain to his room, sealing his fate. It was one of the Gerudo bachelorettes, who was clearly pent-up from having had to wait for so long. She gazed at him like...well, like she lived in a place without any men in it.

Resigned to his decision, Link barely got his boots off before she tackled him onto the bed.

***

Hours later, Link was alone in the dark room, barely aware of how badly his lips were aching. He flushed them out with elixir before buttoning up the front of his trousers, trying to get them on properly before someone walked in on him.

Telma had been right. A man who was wearing only pants was more alluring than one who was already naked. It also gave him a way to tease them first, to tantalize them, by making them wait as he slowly bared his manhood. At the very least, he could give himself a break and stall while stripping, because he was sore from so many women ravaging him.

The advice about eating pussy had turned out to be somewhat unnecessary. There was no shortage of tongues and fingers in Gerudo Town. The johns - Link reflected that there was no female equivalent to _john_ \- had mostly wanted him for what was in his pants. Mostly.

In the interim between customers, Telma always dropped by to shower him with praise, as well as refresh his supplies - a clean set of sheets for the bed, damp washcloths and enduring elixirs for him. It was a mystery where she was getting so many bottles of the stuff. He didn’t know much about elixirs, aside from what he had gleaned by listening to Zelda’s research. The only thing he could remember was that they all used rare materials, and were therefore expensive as hell.

If Telma could afford to give him two or three after every single client, then he shuddered to think of how much money she was _really_ making off him.

Link drained his current elixir and placed the empty bottle to the side. They tasted like a stale blend of carrots and mushrooms and goddess knows what else, but he nevertheless drank each one greedily, craving the energizing effects. There was something addictive in how they could instantly replenish both his stamina and libido. His fatigued muscles virtually patched themselves back together, readying his body for whoever was next.

The bedspread was splattered with his fluid, so he grabbed a handful of a clean corner and yanked it up in one motion. It was carefully folded into a bundle, with a used washcloth thrown in as well. When Telma walked in, she was humming merrily to herself, but still took the time to smile at him favorably.

“How many more.” Link asked her, tonelessly, for the eighth time that night.

Three seconds passed as Telma finished the verse of whatever song she was humming. “I think a few more should do it, honey. You’re doing great so far!”

Indirect answers were something of a specialty of hers. Even something vague like that was the most clear response she had given him. Link sighed with what may have been relief. He had inhibitions at the beginning, but now he just wanted to get this over with. Already, he had endured six vai and two voe, so he could easily handle “a few more” if it meant his debt was nearly paid off.

The sooner he was done, the sooner he could retrieve his tunic and put this night behind him, never to be thought of again. There was already so much that he just couldn’t wait to forget.

The first voe had sneered when he walked in and saw Link’s small frame splayed out on the bed. That voe had been far too rough, thrusting his cock deep between his lips and abusing him with slurs that Link’s battered mind didn’t care to repeat. When he was done with his mouth, he forced Link down into the bed, ignoring his cries of pain, and used his ass until he came inside without consideration.

Link’s bruised throat twinged at the memory. He still felt dirty on the inside, and not just because the man had finished in him so deeply. No, it was because as he lay on the bed, a sticky, leaking mess, the man spat more slurs as he got dressed and took his leave. Was that any way to treat a partner?

Still, he would readily take another brute like that rather than someone like the other voe. The other voe was one of the insecure, awkward singles who perpetually orbited the city walls. Link ended up having to take the lead, sucking on his cock in a comforting way, if such a thing was possible. It was a harrowing experience for them both. Even after Link tried every technique he could think of, the voe still acted despondent.

He left after crying about his “relationship issues”, and, considering he had traveled all the way to Gerudo Town only to end up in bed with another man, Link could formulate a faint idea of what those “issues” were. But providing emotional support was something that was beyond both his ability and pay grade.

He wasn’t getting paid to impart therapy. In fact, he wasn’t getting paid at all. The physical parts of a relationship came easy to him, but he had no idea what to do when it came to comforting others. Needy men could go elsewhere, as far as Link was concerned.

Then again, the women weren’t much better. In Gerudo culture, voe were seen as exotic foreigners, good for producing children and not much else. He didn’t need to ask anyone what they wanted, because everyone just did whatever they wanted to him anyway. His well-being was secondary to their pleasure. So far, he had been held down, groped, spat on, and thrown to the floor. One of them had slapped his face when he went soft inside her.

So much for performance anxiety.

The third vai had been the worst of all. She had treated his cock like it was detached from the rest of him, pulling too hard, trying to drag him around with it, and biting into his shoulder. Her legs had wrapped around him, forcing him to thrust, and kicked him in the flank every time he went too slow. When he finally brought her to climax, she screamed in his face while dragging long fingernails up his back. The enduring elixirs could give him back his energy, but they couldn’t fix that kind of damage.

Link stood up from the bed, fuming. There would be absolutely no mistaking the shape of the scars. Of all the reasons he needed his tunic back, covering up scratches was definitely one he hadn’t foreseen.

He took the new set of sheets and fixed them over the mattress, one by one, and smoothed out the fabric for no reason. They would be wrinkled and ruined in less than an hour. Telma collected his soiled sheets and empty bottles on her way out, leaving the room looking as pristine as it did at the beginning of the night.

Before long, another john was ushered in through the curtain. She was older than him, but still relatively young, so Link breathed in silent relief. The younger Gerudo tended to actually care about personal hygiene, as opposed to the older ones, who...really didn’t. So at least this next session would be tolerable.

“Sav’saaba.” She drawled at him.

Link responded by giving her a fake smile. He could be attractive if he tried, which was why he normally didn’t try. The smile was evidence enough. It had worked on everyone so far, and she was no exception.

Giggling, she threw herself at him and started to feel him up as they locked lips. Link lightly pinched one of her nipples through her bandeau as they each got their initial taste of each other. As they parted, she took his lower lip in her teeth and bit down, soft enough so that he didn’t cry out, hard enough to let him know who was in charge.

Maybe it was just luck, but nearly all of the Gerudo he had entertained so far had been the dominant one, and this girl was shaping up to be another. That was another aspect of the culture that caught him by surprise - the Gerudo were _very_ proactive. Very few of them wanted to be the pillow princess. Maybe it was because their gender roles were so radically different? Link didn’t know the reason, but he was glad for it, in a way. His relative inexperience didn’t matter when they were forcefully holding him in the position they wanted.

The woman pushed away for a second to shed her sirwal and undergarments. She grinned at him and commanded, “Get over here, boy.”

Link obeyed.

She seized his hair and forced him onto his knees, leaving him at the perfect height to indulge her with his tongue. His pants tightened at the thought. He couldn’t help it - even after his long night, Link couldn’t prevent his body from its natural reactions. At least now, nine clients in, he no longer had the capacity to be ashamed of himself. He just did what needed to be done.

He kissed his way up the inside of her thighs first, remembering to start slow. The fingernails digging into his scalp were a good way of telling how much he could get away with. Once her grip tightened, he kissed her directly, still not yet using his tongue, lightly ghosting breaths over her soft mound. She groaned in anticipation, and Link shuddered too, from knowing that it was _his_ actions that produced such a sound.

Already, she was unbearably wet, so he slipped a lithe finger inside, and was rewarded again with her loud, heady moan. He only got one knuckle deep before she broke away, eager to move him onto the bed. Link barely had time to draw breath before she pinned him, straddling his neck while resting a warm palm on his chest for balance.

Having taken him as her throne, the Gerudo wasted no time in giving him further orders.

“Clean me _deep_. All the way in, boy...”

She said it like an insult, but Link was so eager to please that he didn’t notice. He almost forgot to try some of the things that had driven the others wild - drawing his thumb over her hip bone, and lightly brushing his fingers on the insides of her thighs. His caresses in combination with the firm movements of his tongue were almost too much, too fast. The vai quivered and gave a him a few short gasps, but retained enough balance to pull off her top, exposing her breasts to the cool night air.

She was already soaked, and the scent alone was causing Link’s mind to cloud over. His palms settled on grasping the curves of her hips, anchoring himself to her, helping him fight through the haze to focus on the task at hand.

Her voice, too, cut straight to his mind, a sharp sign of her approval. “Ooh, you’re _good_...”

As he worked his tongue against her entrance, she rocked her body down, pressing on his mouth. It was enough to elicit a swear out of pleasure, and Link would have sworn too, if his mouth wasn’t otherwise occupied. Her skin grew warmer and wilder as she stretched, arching her back in pleasure as she rode his face. Guided by her moans, he withdrew to take a breath, circling a thumb around her clit to make up for the absence of his mouth.

Her striations became staggered and unsteady, and Link did his best to time the movements of his thumb with her languid spasms. The fingers of his other hand curled around her hip, holding her steady against the pleasure, securing her to his service, robbing her of the ability to form words.

“Oh, fuck... _more_...” She whispered, breathless, and Link happily obliged her.

The word _practice_ kept repeating itself in his head. Practice, practice, practice. Despite the abuse, he couldn’t help but feel proud every time someone left his room satisfied. After all, helping people was his job, was it not? As the night went on, an intrusive, rebellious part of his brain had noticed he was definitely getting better at this. That part guided him well, telling him exactly when to take her clit with his teeth; when to nibble it as gently as he could, and the effects were immediate.

She yelped and rolled her body, nearly crushing him, and a fresh wave of fluid drenched his face. Link didn’t let her rest, and kept teasing her the whole way through, letting his tongue speak for him in a different way. She kept squirming from his care, harder and faster, until she cried out, shaking through her climax, and nearly drowned Link in the process.

Even when she blissfully collapsed against his face, Link didn’t just abruptly stop. Instead, he kept gently massaging with his tongue, easing her down gradually. That particular lesson had been learned early on. When she returned to her senses, aided by his tender movements, she lazily spun around and snaked her hands down his exposed front to find what she really came here for.

With his shoulders pinned by her thighs, Link made a show of straining his groin through his restrictive clothing, acting like he couldn’t wait to break free. She hastily undid the front of his pants, grinning when he sprung up to full size, and gave him two quick strokes as if testing whether he was truly ready. When he passed her inspection, she flashed him another arrogant smirk and sat back on the bed.

“I love it when you whores act shy, like you don’t wanna do it...”

At that, Link bashfully hid his face behind his hands. His shyness hadn’t been an act. He was honestly trying to be as enthusiastic as he could...but if she liked that about him, then he would play it up for all it was worth.

He dragged his pants down to his knees, slowly, but not _too_ slow, and let his erection twitch freely as he knelt on the bed. When he stepped off to drop everything down to his ankles, she clambered forward to join him at the edge.

They met, and Link closed his eyes, letting his body do the work. The john wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and, for a brief moment, Link could imagine being somewhere else, being clutched by someone else. Even when he opened up, the dim light skewed his perceptive for a second, tricking his eyes before they could adjust and remind him of where he was.

He was fucking a woman whom he had just met, listening to the husky timbre of her voice, and thinking _Zelda wouldn’t sound like that_.

There could be no denying it. He had been having a lot of intrusive thoughts lately, and that specific one had recurred to him throughout the night. Under any other circumstances, thoughts like that would have appalled and shamed him, and given him grounds for immediate self-dismissal. But he couldn’t afford to kid himself. He was doing this for Zelda’s sake, so focusing on her was the only way he could make it through this. The desire to protect her was the only reason he had persisted as long as he did.

The desire to protect her...was that really the best excuse his mind could come up with?

Too soon, the vai tightened around him and screamed through another climax, and Link even dared to tease her on the way out, flexing against her soft walls as she collapsed, totally spent. He sat alongside her, upright but hunched over. Once again, he was struck by the unwelcome mixture of abhorrence and accomplishment. Her heavy breathing filled the tiny room, and slowed as she lay on the bed, absently fingering herself in the aftermath of her orgasm.

“That was great...you a new whore? Never seen you here before...”

Even if he was thinking clearly, which he wasn’t, he couldn’t answer that. Thankfully, she didn’t pry, and changed the subject herself.

“Hey. I thought voe were supposed to, like, shoot something. Did you even finish?”

Link looked at her. None of the others had been so considerate of _his_ needs. Still, she seemed genuinely interested, so he shyly shook his head.

“Really? Then do it yourself. I wanna see.”

Link leaned back on the bed, getting ready to give her a demonstration. It wasn’t too uncommon a request - sometimes, people preferred to watch. At least he didn’t have to deal with any embarrassing pillow talk this time.

He set to stroking himself, making a show of spreading precome along the shaft, and the vai leaned forward, observing him curiously. He kept pumping, a little stronger than he would have normally, because he was sore from coming so many times in just one night. Still, it wasn’t long before he had built up the familiar heat in his navel. Link theatrically moaned when another rivulet of precome dribbled between his fingers. It took only a few more strokes to release the rest, sending it gushing up and out. The vai squealed as come splattered all over his stomach.

“Ooh! That’s so... _weird_!” She exclaimed. Link lay panting, unable to respond. He slowly unclenched his hand and held it above his chest, not knowing where to put it now that it was dripping with his sticky juices. The vai, curiosity satisfied, got dressed while watching him turn over his fingers.

“I’ll see you around, boy.” She teased as she left.

Link didn’t return the farewell. He stayed still, with a hand hovering in the air, counting out the seconds, then minutes, as he waited for Telma to intrude on him again. It felt like an eternity until she finally did.

“How many more.”

She threw a damp washcloth at him, and he wiped himself off as she answered, “No more, honey. You’re done for the night!”

Link sat up quickly, hardly daring to believe it. But sure enough, she was bearing his champion’s tunic, stacked on top of the usual folded bedspread. The tunic was folded too, and, strangely, it looked like someone had washed it. Three red rupees were also resting on top of the pile.

“There’s sixty in there. Think of it as a signing bonus for all-” Link snatched his tunic and rupees, cutting Telma off mid-sentence, then retrieved the sword from under his bed before darting out of the room.

“Hey, where you going?” Telma called after him.

Link tore out of the tent as quickly as he could, bursting out into the cool night air, not even looking back, and regretting ever stepping foot in Gerudo province.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Link would rather get punched in the face than talk about his feelings  
> 2\. A lot of people tend to gloss over the fact that elixirs are basically performance-enhancing drugs. Like super steroids. Or super viagra ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
>  
> 
> Send me feedback on [tumblr](https://northwest-southwest-central.tumblr.com/)!


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